"When We Were Happy" a fanfic by Ysabet Original release date: December 23rd, 1998 ------- December 24th, 5:00 PM "Ow!" "Sorry." Sullen. "You don't _sound_ sorry." Impatient. "Well, how is sorry supposed to sound?" Frustrated, then confused. "I don't know, um . . . what's that word?" "Tell you what: next year, when it comes to you, you can give me a call and tell me about it." "You are _so_ mean. As if it's gonna take a whole year to think of one stupid word . . !" A third voice. "Next year is in eight days, Usagi." "Oh." "And the word you're looking for is probably 'contrite'". "Oh." A pause. "I was looking for a word?" Dead silence. "You were trying to describe how 'sorry' is supposed to--" Laughter. "I know, Ami-chan. I'm just kidding. I _am_ almost twenty; give me a little credit." Pause. "Rei-chan, you did _not_ sound contrite." Rei glowered at her. "I wasn't contrite, Usagi, I was sorry." She stuck out her tongue. As Usagi opened her mouth to retaliate, a clear, dark voice laughed at them. "Not tonight, kittens. It's supposed to be a peaceful evening." Haruka deftly snagged the mistletoe the two had been trying to tack above the doorway and secured it. Before they could react, she smiled, kissed each of them lightly on the forehead, and strolled back to her place at Michiru's side. Rei glanced at her, and then up at the mistletoe, and assumed a business-like attitude. "Okay, what else do we have to do?" From his seat on the sofa, Mamoru chuckled. "Relax, Rei-chan. That's all that's left." There was a muffled yelp from the direction of the kitchen. "And rescue Mako-chan by getting Minako out of there." Ami stood up and grinned. "I'll get her out, and give Mako-chan a hand. I don't want to leave her completely alone in there." Michiru smiled. "As if she's not completely in her element, baking up a storm." Ami shrugged. "I can keep her company, at least." "I'll come help too--" Usagi started to offer, but Mamoru headed her off. "Or you could come sit with me." "--or I could go sit with Mamo-chan," she finished smoothly. Far more smoothly, in fact, than anyone was used to, and with a resigned little smile that revealed that she knew why he had stopped her. Her friends watched, bemused, as she nestled beside her partner. Tsukino Usagi was, indeed, almost twenty. And heaven help them all, she was even growing up. ------- 7:30 PM "Mako-chan, there really _isn't_ anything else that needs doing," Setsuna said from the doorway, impressed despite herself as she looked around the room. Makoto had managed to bake and organize things in a strange kitchen--the Outers', to be precise--without making anything like a normal mess of the place, and looked to be perfectly content and in her element as she carefully arranged a plate of cookies. Setsuna let her finish that and then snagged her arm, pressing a mug of cider into her other hand. "Come on, relax a little." Makoto smiled at her and winked. "I _am_ relaxing, Setsuna-san. I haven't had this much fun in ages." But she followed the older woman out into the living room without any more protest. She'd done herself proud, and she knew it. They paused on the threshold together and looked at the tableau before them. The Outer soldiers shared a large and comfortable home, and the living room was a central part of it. The fireplace was busily warming the room, casting a warm glow over the scene. The Christmas tree was pine and decorated mostly in garlands and stars; there weren't mountains of presents under its boughs, but the colored packages were enough to draw curious glances from almost everyone in the room. Who knew what might be inside? There were gifts from their families (though not all of them were lucky enough to have family other than the assembled group) as well as from each other--this Christmas the sailor soldiers had decided to spend together, perhaps in preparation for years to come. Haruka was sitting at one of the house's two pianos, idly stroking the keys and gazing peacefully out the window at the falling snow; Michiru sat in a chair beside the fire with Hotaru kneeling before her, brushing her daughter's hair gently. The youngest soldier still enjoyed having any of her 'parents' perform this childhood ritual, and her eyes were half-closed with contentment. Usagi and Mamoru were cuddled up together on one of the sofas, Ami and Rei were playing chess, of all things (with Ami doing her best to give Rei a fighting chance), and the ever-irrepressible Minako was toasting a marshmallow with fierce concentration, supervised by Artemis and a dozing Luna. Setsuna smiled and sensed Makoto doing the same. Family. There was no other word to describe the soft, warm feeling they each felt as they stood there. This was the family Makoto had found to fill the void brought on by her parents' deaths so many years ago, the family Setsuna had never quite allowed herself to believe that she would find. Across the room, Usagi glanced up and smiled as she saw them. The smile and the light in her sparkling eyes said it all. She had somehow charmed her parents and brother into not feeling offended that she would not be spending Christmas with them; but then, for most people in Japan, it wasn't the major religious event that it was in other parts of the world. Minako almost succeeded in toasting the perfect marshmallow, golden brown and gooey, but at the last moment it fell off the stick she was using and towards the flames. The blonde pounced on it, oblivious to the heat, and managed to catch it and whisk it out of the fire and into her mouth in one swift gesture. Her eyes widened as it burned a little, but she visibly ignored the discomfort and enjoyed it anyway. Laughing, Makoto sat down between the now-sticky-fingered girl and Hotaru, and started to toast one of her own. There was a flicker of movement behind them as Michiru bent and kissed the top of Hotaru's head affectionately before rising and going to sit closer to her partner. She picked up her violin but didn't begin to play, instead beginning to polish the dark wood. Haruka looked at the others and grinned. "Any requests?" Ami turned her attention away from the chess board and, in the moment of distraction, forgot to try to play at Rei's level. "'Gesu Bambino'", she suggested, a wicked glint in her eyes. She obviously didn't expect Haruka to know the piece. "Check- mate," she added, absently winning the game. Then her amusement turned to a blush as she realized what she'd done, as Haruka began to play without missing a beat. Rei laughed. "Good game, Ami-chan." The music filled the room, a quiet presence in the background, and Haruka sang along softly with the unfamiliar melody that suddenly became a bit more familiar as the refrain started. Rei looked puzzled. "Why do I only know that much of it?" "The refrain is virtually identical to the one in "O Come All Ye Faithful," Ami supplied. "I don't think it's a very common song anywhere. My father learned it years ago while traveling." Hotaru stood up and wandered over to the chess board. "Can I have a game, Ami-san?" Ami nodded and they began to set up the pieces; Rei flashed them both a smile and went to sit with Usagi and Mamoru. Time passed. Eggnog, some of it flavored with Irish Cream, was passed around with plates of cookies and fruitcake. Sometimes Haruka played and sometimes she didn't; sometimes there was talk, sometimes singing, sometimes companionable silence shared while listening to the crackle of the fire and the sound of quiet sipping. It was, in point of fact, not a terribly Japanese Christmas, since Setsuna had (with only a slightly guilty smile) used the Time Gate to go shopping in some unnamed town in New England and collect some things--the tree, for starters, and various food items like clementine oranges. She was the only one who might have objected to that particular use of the Gate, so everyone was happy. Rei wandered around the room lighting candles and dousing the regular lamps, gradually giving the room an even more cozy feeling. The sense of peace was almost overwhelming. The cats were even allowing themselves to purr in a purely feline manner. The knock at the door startled everyone. Hotaru, who was actually giving Ami a run for her money at the game, found an opening and declared checkmate before scampering off to see who it might be. "Usagi-san!" She reappeared after a moment, towing a familiar and blushing figure behind her. They all recognized Usagi's friend Naru, and there was a general attempt to make her feel at ease, but she looked nervous even after her lifelong best friend leaped up and engulfed in the largest bearhug someone so slight could give. "Your mom gave me the address so I could find you; I didn't know I'd be coming home at all, and I'm leaving again the day after tomorrow." Naru smiled a little. She was attending school far enough away and working hard enough that she rarely had time to visit for long. "I wanted to drop your present off, though. I won't keep you." She handed Usagi a small, carefully-wrapped box and, with a quick glance at the people assembled in the room, made to leave. She was almost out the door by the time Usagi reacted. "Naru-chan! Wait up!" "I don't want to--" "What? 'Interfere'? I keep telling you it's okay . . . hang on, will you?" Usagi reentered the room, gave Setsuna a strange look, and retrieved a present from off to the side of those directly under the tree. "I'll be back soon, guys." And she vanished. Mamoru looked puzzled. "What was that about, Setsuna-san?" The Guardian of Time promptly adopted her third-best Sphinx expression. "I just told her to bring Naru-chan's gift here tonight instead of mailing it last week." ------- 9:30 PM "Naru-chan, I'm so happy to see you!" Usagi exclaimed, buttoning her coat as the two girls left the house. "Why won't you come in and stay for a while?" Naru's eyes darkened a little as she shrugged. "Think about it, Usagi-chan," she said quietly. "I don't belong in there. You've been growing so close to the people in that house that, even though you don't mean it to happen, you don't have enough of yourself left for anyone else. There's something tying you together." Usagi's face was white in the moonlight. "You're my best friend, Naru-chan. You've been my best friend all my life." For the first time since arriving, Naru met her childhood friend's searching gaze. "I know, Usagi,". A wry twist of her mouth showed that she'd left the honorific off deliberately, testing. "But I'm not like you. I'm only human. And I don't even know what you are." Usagi struggled to keep her features under control--a losing battle. "What do you mean?" The whisper, almost defeated, came on the snowy wind. "I know *who* you are, Usagi." She blinked. "How did you . . ?" Naru smiled, a sudden flicker of genuine warmth. "You've been fighting strange things in our neighborhood for years now. I've seen how you react when strangers are threatened--and I've seen how you react when it's me that's in trouble." "I'm sorry, Naru." Usagi reached out instinctively, sudden tears welling in her eyes. "It's my fault that you've been in danger so many times. I did my best--" "I know--and it's *not* your fault, don't be silly." They looked at each other in silence for a moment. "Maybe it's just the role Fate's given me. Who knows?" She met Usagi's eyes again. "But I'm here, aren't I? You always saved me." She glanced at the gift she'd given Usagi, and noticed the second package. "Open your present?" "You have to open yours, then." Naru accepted the gift with a tentative smile. After a moment of uncertainty Usagi unwrapped the little box. Her eyes widened as she came to the contents. "Naru, they're beautiful!" Inside lay a pair of earrings and a bracelet, delicately set with a set of shimmering white stones. "They're not pearl or opal, are they?" She'd thought that she knew her gemstones well, having grown up underfoot in a jewelry store, but she wasn't certain of what she was looking at. "Naru?" "They're selentine, Usagi." Naru's lips quirked with amusement. "Moon stones." Usagi's eyes unfocused. "But I don't recognize--" She blinked and quickly cut herself off. Her friend laughed a little. "They're not really from the moon, that's just what they're called. But . . . I thought it was appropriate. Maybe my way of telling you I knew." Naru looked thoughtful, and tilted her head back to see the moon through the soft dusting of snow falling from the sky. "Do you really have any connection to it?" "I'll tell you after you open your present." Naru lifted an eyebrow and obliged, shredding the paper easily and coming to a soft lump. "I made it," Usagi added in a rush as the brightly colored sweater came to light. Naru looked a bit startled. "You *made* it?" She couldn't quite keep the incredulity out of her voice, and Usagi blushed. "It's, um . . . the first project that's ever worked." The redhead held it up and looked it over. It wasn't quite professional quality, but it was well-done nonetheless. She grinned in spite of herself. "Thank you, Usagi-chan," she said softly, meaning it. There was another moment of silence. Then, "Tell me." "Tell you," Usagi echoed. She glanced around, carefully pocketed the jewelry, and plopped herself down in a snowbank, lying back to look at the sky. After a moment Naru joined her. "I was born on the moon, Naru-chan. About a thousand years ago. I was the daughter of its queen, Selenity, and I suppose someday I was supposed to succeed her. She ruled all of the worlds in our system, I think, and their princesses were my court." She glanced back at the house. "That's them. Anyway, I was in love with Endymion, Earth's prince. Earth wasn't connected to the moon in the same way as the other planets; Endymion had special abilities, but not the same kind as the other princesses. I loved him and he loved me." She took a deep breath. "I don't remember everything. Not even close. But there were two problems: people of Earth weren't usually allowed the marry into our race, and a sorceress on Earth was in love with him as well, and fiercely jealous when he didn't love her in return. "You've heard of people selling their souls . . ? That's essentially what she did. She bound herself to an evil force, brainwashed Endymion's four closest friends, who served him as the sailor soldiers--the other princesses--served me. They attacked us, and almost won. She . . . killed the prince. And I killed myself with his sword." Usagi finally dared a glance at Naru. Her friend was very pale, staring back at her. "Tell me." "My mother . . . saw our warriors dying. And she wanted to save the Earth, when it became clear that our kingdom was doomed. In her grief, she used the main treasure of the moon to allow all of us--prince and princesses alike--to be reborn in a peaceful time, but be ready to fight again if we were needed. She couldn't destroy the kingdom of darkness which had been raised against us, only seal it away. She died doing it. And when I was fourteen years old, the seal was broken. "And so we woke up. This time we survived." "Was--" Naru's voice caught. "Was Nephrite-sama one of them?" Usagi bit her lip. "He was one of the men Beryl--the sorceress- -took from Endymion." "Mamoru-san is Endymion?" "Yes." "Does he . . . remember?" "Not very well. I'm . . . sorry, Naru-chan." Naru nodded and was quiet for a long time. They watched their breath hanging in the air above them. "You must have had a different name then." "Yes. Serenity, daughter of Selenity." "Did she . . . look human?" Usagi smiled faintly. "She is me. I don't have all of the memories, but I am becoming more like her all the time. I can-- I know this sounds strange--I can *become* her when I need to. Someday, I think I'll be both at once." "Can you--" Naru hesitated, and sat up. Usagi sat up as well, and nodded. "I am still me, Naru." And she changed. Her clothing stayed the same, but her skin took on an almost luminous tone. Her blue eyes seemed to mature, and the gentle girl Naru had grown up with suddenly seemed far older, far wiser, and tremendously compassionate, though she didn't speak. For just a moment, a crescent moon gleamed at the center of her forehead. 'Serenity' was the only possible name for this not-quite-human creature, Naru thought somewhere in the back of her mind. And then she was only Usagi again, looking concerned. Almost frightened. "Naru-chan?" "I think I understand." Naru's voice was terribly soft, but she meant it. "Do you suppose you--your people--were where people got the idea of angels?" "Maybe the form; I do seem to have wings these days." Usagi giggled. "But I'm definitely not one of God's messengers." She rolled her eyes at the thought, and then suddenly they were both laughing helplessly, and everything was all right. When they finally stood up and Naru said that she really did have to go home, Usagi let her leave without arguing about it. "Merry Christmas," they both said at the same time, and smiled. Naru leaned in to hug her, and whispered "Maybe you were an angel for me. My guardian angel." She turned and hurried away before Usagi could reply, holding onto the sweater her best friend had painstakingly crafted for her. ------- 10:30 PM When Usagi slipped back into the living room, brushing snow out of her hair, she found herself accosted by a marshmallow-bearing Minako. "Take this one, Usagi-chan, before it gets cold! Come in and sit down! Haruka-san and Michiru-san are going to play for us." Usagi opened her mouth to agree, and found it unexpectedly full of marshmallow. She went and nestled on the couch in silence, chewing thoughtfully. Michiru smiled at her from the other side of the room. "How did she like the sweater?" The princess chewed some more, and swallowed. "I think she liked it . . . convincing her that I'd made it was the hard part." She looked thoughtful. "Um . . . guys?" The group stilled. "I should tell you . . . I told Naru-chan about us." Haruka looked faintly skeptical. "Are you sure that was a good idea, dumpling?" Before Usagi could answer, Setsuna shook her head. "Don't worry, Haruka. All she did was confirm what Naru-chan has suspected for a very long time. Show them the gift, Princess." Usagi produced the earrings and bracelet, curious. "'Moon stones'--hardly a coincidence." She looked thoughtful. "They'll eventually become part of royal family's personal treasury." Usagi's eyes misted. "Good." She looked up at the Time Guardian, troubled. "Setsuna-san . . . I won't forget her, will I? Or anyone else?" The gentleness in the look Setsuna gave her was rare. "No, Princess. You won't forget, although it would be easier for you if you did." ------- 11:09 PM Hotaru munched on a sugar cookie and watched her parents as they coaxed sweet music from their instruments. They were in fine form, caught up in the warmth of the holiday, and sharing themselves more with the other soldiers than they ever would with a paying audience. The others were relaxing and listening, perhaps not as aware of how much the two musicians were giving them but appreciating it nonetheless. They were segueing fluidly from traditional Christmas pieces to classical ones, following each other's lead effortlessly; the only real connection between all of the music was the mood, slow and gentle. It was in fact soothing enough that all of the listeners were caught unawares when the violin stopped, as Haruka began to play what was probably an original arrangement of "O Holy Night"--and Michiru sang along instead of playing. In her gentle mezzo-soprano voice she sang softly, imbuing the lyrics with a feeling of wonder; she sang in the original language, and Setsuna translated quietly, unconsciously demonstrating her mastery of both English and Japanese by doing a good job of it. On the second stanza Haruka added her voice, sending shivers down more than one spine as some of the listeners heard her velvet-rich alto applied to music for the first time. Halfway through, the piano stopped as well, and the pair wove the melody and harmony together as easily as if they were still playing. As the song ended, they brought both instruments back in, finishing on a last echoing arpeggio that drifted up almost too high for human ears to follow. Applause would have been redundant. The round of quiet sighs said it all; for a while silence reigned again. ------- 11:24 PM "I take it we're celebrating Christmas properly?" Rei asked unexpectedly. She glanced around the room and saw mostly nods; there were only one or two puzzled looks. "Well, if we are, then we should read the story." Astonishingly, no one looked blank at that. Haruka raised an eyebrow and Rei shrugged, managing to only blush a little. "I may not be Christian, but I have learned some things from the Catholics--like Christmas having some actual meaning beyond what we usually assign to it here. I've done the readings lots of times, actually; to some degree the sisters would rather have a strong voice from a non- Christian than a weak one from a believer." Usagi giggled. "What?" "I'm wondering if your voice is strong because you yell so much," came the mock-prim reply. To her credit, Rei only rolled her eyes and began to recite. "'And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed . . .'" Responses varied as she spoke, but everyone listened patiently. If a Shinto priestess felt like reciting Christian scripture, who were they to argue? Michiru looked almost reminiscent, and glanced at Haruka, who touched her hand gently. No one timed the telling of the story, and when Rei was done they sat and contemplated it for a few minutes. "I don't think I've ever actually heard that all the way through," Makoto said idly. "Kind of interesting." She glanced at her watch and blinked. "And it's practically midnight. Is this where the mistletoe comes in?" Mamoru grinned. "Not necessarily, but it could be. Usako?" Usagi smiled back and they stood up and positioned themselves, to the affectionate amusement of the others. There was a moment where they seemed almost embarrassed, but it passed; the kiss was a sweet one with only a tiny bit of tongue involved, which was politely ignored. When they stepped out from under the sprig, there were a few wistful glances from the other girls; but no strong feelings of loneliness. The closeness of the night was too deep for it. "Michiru-mama? Haruka-papa?" Hotaru's voice broke the stillness. "Your turn." Both women looked startled; their physical contact in front of the others tended to be subtle and limited to tenderness rather than eroticism (flirtatious teasing aside); both of them felt strongly about their privacy and didn't much care to put themselves on display. They might have managed to demur if their daughter wasn't so persistent . . . but, well, she was, and what was there to be done? There was also Setsuna's raised eyebrow and expressive glance which somehow managed to convey "we're all going to be living together for a very long time, and sooner or later they're going to see you kiss each other" without attracting any notice from the Inners. Haruka gave in after a moment of eye contact with their only child, and glided to her feet with a dubiously-casual shrug. "Shall we 'dance'?" Michiru flashed her a smile, and the pair placed themselves in the archway. The world conveniently faded away, leaving only the two of them; the rest of the group might as well have stopped existing completely for all the notice they received. They looked at each other for a moment, and another moment, and another, until somewhere in the house a clock struck midnight. "So this is Christmas," Haruka murmured, holding her partner against her gently. The look that passed between them spoke volumes, as always. "We've survived another year." Their lips brushed in an almost-kiss, and then Michiru rested her head on Haruka's shoulder, eyes closed. "Bless us with love, all of us; fill us with peace and freedom, and help us to understand them. Give us the hope contained in the season's Gift; bind us together, with love." She smiled without opening her eyes. "So be it." There was no 'almost' about the second kiss, which lasted long enough to potentially embarrass anyone and yet embarrassed no one. Nor was there any 'almost' about the hugs and wishes exchanged by everyone in the group. The presents lay forgotten under the tree (at least until morning). There was no 'almost' about the feeling of family. This was the real thing. So this is Christmas.