Title: A Red Thread, Unstrung
Author: Ysabet MacFarlane (ba087@chebucto.ns.ca)
Pairing: Sohma Hatsuharu and Sohma Isuzu (Rin)
Fandom: Fruits Basket
Theme: # 4  (our distance and that person)

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket belongs to Takaya Natsuki and Hakusensha;
English-language versions by FUNimation (anime) and Tokyopop (manga).

Notes: This is out of canon, taking place at some unspecified time after chapter
116 (the most recent chapter, as of this writing).  No explicit spoilers.  May
someday be revisited, depending on how canon goes.

***

"just tell your gods for me 
all debts are off this year 
they're free to leave"
	-- Tori Amos, "Scarlet's Walk" (Scarlet's Walk)

***

In his dream it was an unwinding, as gentle as untangling a kitten's claws from
a blanket.  Comfortable and safe, except for the quiet weeping that surrounded
him and then melted away.  He stirred in his sleep, reaching out to comfort
before the dream had even begun to disintegrate.

"Rin . . ?"

The last moments of the dream were violent, as the real world intruded on his
vision.  He dreamed of being born--warmth and comfort, everything he'd ever
known, stripped away and replaced by a cold, numbing isolation.  A woman's
voice, a voice he should know, sobbing in pain at the separation.  And then
gone.

Haru bolted upright, his heart pounding so loudly in his ears that he barely
heard Rin's groggy response to her name.  The emptiness of the dream clung to
him like a fog; he vaguely felt the bed move as Rin sat up beside him--

"Haru, you're crying--"

--reached out to hold him, safe arms that he wanted desperately--

--and she jerked away, throwing herself halfway off the bed to avoid his
embrace.

"A dream," he started to say, and the expression on her face froze the words in
his throat.  It took him longer to interpret than it should have--moments passed
that made no sense, trying to understand the far-off look in her eyes--and then
he realized he was only _seeing_ her, nothing more, and that the gaping void in
his chest included the place where a whisper of her soul had been audible
against his since the moment of his conception.  That the sympathetic tears
still streaming down his cheeks were reflecting Akito, not her.

"You're uncursed," she whispered, shaping the words his mind couldn't form.  "I
felt it when I tried to hold you."

Instinct, he reminded himself, but the memory of that warning tingle in the
skin, the threat of impending transformation, seemed dim and irretrievable.

"Akito," he managed, almost stammering the name, unable to keep himself from
delving into the silent places where other voices had always murmured.  "Rin, I
can't--can't feel--can you--"

"Hold still," Rin said, and he lost the sense of her words, trying to fit her
voice back into himself.  "Haru, lie down."  She repeated herself until he
obeyed, before edging carefully back toward him.  "Don't move."  Her hands went
under his shoulders, and he tried not to reach for her as she eased his head
into her lap.

"My soul's gone."  He held a hand in front of his eyes, staring at its familiar
shape.  "There's nothing inside me anymore."  He turned onto his side and buried
his face against Rin's thighs.

"Just you."  Her fingers worked through his hair, familiar, but her scent--

"You smell different," he muttered, trying to stop the tears that were trickling
down her leg and into the blankets.  "Akito'll be looking for me, won't know
where I am . . . "  There were feelings under the words that didn't bear
thinking about: Akito screaming his name, and a yearning that cut through his
blind rage and the memory of Rin's eyes staring through a haze of painkillers as
she told him to leave.  The last words he'd spoken to Akito burned in the back
of his mind, seared there by the guilt of walking away from his god's cries, as
he had once walked away from Rin's silence.  * . . . I'll kill us both.*

"You're really free."  Rin stroked the back of his neck, light and uncertain.

"Free," he echoed, sitting up and facing her.  She lifted her hand as if to keep
him away, and pulled back when he caught it.  He tightened his grip so suddenly
that she gasped.  "I know how close I can get."  She tugged against his hand. 
"Don't--don't pull away from me, please don't--"

"You're hurting me," she said, the steadiness of her voice undermined by the
tears on her face.

"Why did you want this?"  He leaned closer and kissed her before she could
reply, putting his hand on her shoulder and pushing her slowly back against the
wall.  Salt trickled into his mouth as he broke the kiss--his tears, or hers, or
both--and he licked it off his lips.  "I don't want to be different from you,"
he whispered.  "I can't feel you--"  He kissed her again, as hard and deep as he
could, trying to imprint her taste on his tongue.  She stopped resisting,
unresponsive under his hands until he lifted his head.  "Rin, why . . ?"

"You _know_ why I wanted it."  She pressed her hand against her mouth when he
let her go.

"I can't hold you."  The enormity of the change made him queasy.  "And there're
only echoes in my head."

"Of what?"  She rubbed the tear tracks away as she spoke.

"Akito crying," he breathed, closing his eyes.  "You.  The others.  It just . .
. snapped."  He touched his chest with his free hand.  "Gone."  He touched her
face blindly, tracing her mouth.  Her lower lip was beginning to swell.  "I'm
sorry."

"It's ok."  She inhaled slowly, stroking his hand.

"Maybe it'll break for you too."  He tried to match her careful breathing, pull
himself under control.   "Maybe we'll figure out what happened, and--"

"Maybe not."

"You're all I want."

"I know."  The beginnings of a sob distorted the words, and Haru opened his eyes
again, started to reach out for her.  Her face twisted with pain, and he let his
hand drop onto the bed.  After a moment she moved away from the wall and curled
up on her side.  He lay down beside her and cradled her head in one hand.

"Don't do anything silly, ok?"

"What?"  She frowned at him, and he kissed her again, careful to be gentle.

"Like leaving me 'for my own good', or thinking I might want to touch anyone
besides you."  His voice shook on the last words, and Rin took his hand between
hers.  "I won't.  Not ever.  Even if we could never get any closer than this."

"I'm not going anywhere," she said softly.  "But I . . . "  She trailed off,
staring at him, and he realized belatedly that her awareness of him was as
crippled as his was of her.  "I didn't think it would this hard.  I wanted you
free--I'm _glad_ you're free--but I didn't think we'd be together when it
happened."  She dropped his hand and covered her face, her shoulders hunched as
she tried not to cry.  "It hurts, and I feel stupid."

"Don't--"

"I know we can still t-touch each other, but my--_my_ curse means we can't sleep
together anymore."  She took a deep breath and uncovered her eyes.  "I'm not
like the others.  Transform me in my sleep and we need a new bed."

"You're not a very big horse," Haru replied, shaking his head.  "I've seen you. 
This bed's pretty sturdy, and--"

"And if I had a nightmare and kicked you, I could _hurt_ you.  Badly."  Haru
opened his mouth to argue, and she pressed her hand against his cheek.  "Don't. 
You know what I'm like in my sleep."  She managed a sound like a laugh.  "If I
were you, I'd have already stopped sleeping with me."  A kiss followed the
words, almost as desperate as the one he'd given her, and he slid his hands
behind her head to hold her against his mouth.  "What does it feel like?" she
asked.

"Like I'm alone in my head for the first time in my life."  He shivered and
kissed her again, trying to quell the surge of loneliness.  "Even my skin feels
empty, like the Ox was sharing it with me, and now it's gone and I feel like I'm
just waiting to collapse in on myself . . . "  He tilted his head for another
kiss, and then dropped it back on the pillow, caressing her face.  "I can't
remember ever needing to be held so badly," he admitted.

"I know."  Rin moved closer, until her skin began to prickle with the curse's
warning, and rested her head on his arm.  The two inches between their bodies
might have been miles.  Her fingers trailed up his cheek.  "You're crying
again."

"I am?"  He rubbed his face against his bare shoulder, smearing the stray tears.
 "I'm glad you were here when it happened."

"Me too."  She put her hand down carefully between them and pushed herself up,
leaning over him.  "I just wish I'd known it was the last time," she whispered,
and he thought about the way she'd fallen asleep almost every night they'd spent
together since she'd returned to Kazuma's home: half-curled around him, her ear
over his heart.  She bent down and kissed his chest, sending a wave of desire
through him.

It was easy to imagine making love with her--Jyuunishi children entering
adolescence spent enough time figuring out the mechanics of sex with uncursed
partners that it took little thought now.  Haru shivered under her mouth and ran
his fingers through her hair, craving the physical closeness even though he knew
it wouldn't be enough to ease the loneliness in his head.  When his wrist
brushed against her cheek, warm tears spilled onto his skin.  "Rin--"

"I'm sorry."  Her voice was so tight from trying not to cry that he could barely
make her out.

"It'll be ok," he said, forcibly suppressing the instinct to pull her into his
arms.  The words sounded dull and unconvincing, and he tried to make himself
believe them.  "Jyuunishi have been in love with ordinary people before.  We
were just--" he fell silent, unable to choke out the word 'lucky' when she had
suffered so much for loving him.  Rin caught her breath and stared at him, her
eyes unnaturally bright in the moonlight, and Haru cursed silently.

"We were," she whispered.  "For Jyuunishi, we were lucky."

He fumbled for her hand in the dark, and she rolled away from him, curling up
tightly around herself as their fingers entwined.  He closed his eyes and
listened to her quiet sobs, felt the erratic beat of her heart against the back
of his hand while his own tears soaked into his pillow.

[fin]