Title: Before I Wake
Author: Ysabet MacFarlane (ba087@chebucto.ns.ca)
Pairing: Sohma Hatsuharu and Sohma Isuzu (Rin)
Fandom: Fruits Basket
Theme: # 3 (jolt!)
Disclaimer: Fruits Basket belongs to Takaya Natsuki and Hakusensha;
English-language versions by FUNimation (anime) and Tokyopop (manga).
Notes:  Set before vol. 7; contains mild spoilers for vol. 14.  An expansion of
part of my Haru/Rin entry for the "20_fruits" community on LiveJournal; the
entry can be found at (http://community.livejournal.com/20_fruits/4761.html).


They'd passed her father at a back gate of the Main House, one far enough out of
the way that the adults of the family rarely used it.  Rin had seen him first,
and stopped walking so abruptly that Haru bumped into her.  He slid his arm
around her waist instinctively, taking in the stiffness of her spine a heartbeat
before he looked over her shoulder and saw her father staring at them with a
small frown of distaste.

None of them said anything, and finally her father walked away without another
glance of acknowledgement.  Rin stood frozen in Haru's half-embrace, breathing
in small, frightened gasps; she didn't respond to his murmurs of "we have to go"
until he touched her hair and she recoiled from his fingers, spinning to stare
at him in blind panic before reason softened the wildness of her eyes.

"Sorry," she muttered, shaking her head as if her reaction could be shrugged
off.

"Stay with me tonight?"  His parents were away yet again, visiting relatives in
the north who he'd rarely met.  Not Sohmas, and so they barely registered in his
mind as family, or as existing at all.

Rin nodded heavily, eyes fixed on the ground.  Later, when they were curled
together on his bed, she frowned dismissively when he tried to talk to her about
the brief encounter.  "It's nothing.  I just don't like the way he looks at me."
 She kissed him before he could reply, rubbing lightly at his bare shoulders as
if he were the one who needed reassurance.

**********

Haru slept uneasily, bracing himself against the certainty that her dreams would
turn dark at some point in the night.  Every sound brought him to the surface of
his own dreams, bits of reality insinuating themselves into his subconscious.

It didn't prepare him for the scream that threw him into a confused wakefulness.
 The shadows of his bedroom were muted in the light of a false dawn, blackening
Rin's eyes, making her painted nails look like claws as she clutched at herself.
 "Rin!"  He caught her hands between his before she scratched her arms too
badly; she wrenched away so violently that for one sickening moment he was sure
she'd dislocated her shoulder.  Another cry escaped her as he trapped her wrists
in one hand, using the other to caress her.  "Rin, wake up, please--"  His voice
was lost under hers, drowned in the terror pouring out of her in sweat and tears
and gasping screams that carried all too well in the otherwise-still night air. 
It wouldn't be long until someone heard her, if they hadn't already.  Haru
gritted his teeth over an apology she wouldn't register, and used his full
weight to pin her to the futon, clamping a hand over her mouth.

"We're screwed if anyone finds out you're here," he whispered, kissing her cheek
while she struggled against him--futilely, with his martial arts training and
greater strength, but hard enough that they'd both have the bruises to show for
it in the morning.  "Come on, love, you know me, you know my hands, I'm not
gonna hurt you . . . "

Her muffled screams were giving way to sobs, but she showed no sign of
recognition--not just of him, but of what was happening to her.  Her mouth moved
against his palm, not quite biting, for which he was grateful.  Coming away from
her bed with all manner of marks from her mouth and nails was something he was
used to, but in her current state it seemed like a particularly bad idea.  He
kissed her again, offering what gentleness he could.

*I wish my parents would come home.*  For the first time in years he felt a
child's alarm at reaching out for hands to catch him and finding nothing there. 
"There's only me."  Spoken aloud, the words steadied him--not much, not enough
to quell the pounding fear as Rin continued to stare through him, but enough to
let him breathe again.  "Ok."  He pushed onto his hands and knees over her
cautiously, uncovering her mouth.  "Rin?"

"I'm sorry."  She half-moaned the words, pulling in on herself in small, jerky
movements.  "I'm sorry, I--"

"Shhh, no, it's ok, you're ok."  Haru stroked her neck as he shifted off her,
crouching by the bed.

"I'm sorry, daddy, please don't please I'm sorry I'll be good please . . . " 
The litany was infinitely worse than her screams; with each plea, her voice
deadened further into a hopeless monotone.  He flinched every time she drew
breath, praying for her to stop.

"Wake up," he said, unable to keep the sickness he felt out of his voice. 
Shaking her evoked no response at all; he finally rolled her onto her back and
slid his hands under her shoulders and thighs before she could react.  Lifting
her without her cooperation was harder than he expected--she was a dead weight
in his arms, still whispering to no one as she stared at the dreams playing out
behind her eyes.

The hallway to the bathing room seemed twice as long as usual--each step took
exaggerated care, the violence of Rin's trembling keeping him off balance.  He
switched the light on, debating whether to try undressing her, and finally just
carried her into the narrow shower and turned the water on.  Cold only, since he
didn't dare risk scalding them, and holding Rin made adjusting the temperature
difficult.  The water hit them both like ice, drenching her thin nightdress and
his boxers instantly.

Rin's incoherent sounds of fear were broken by a startled yelp that he was sure
she'd deny uttering in the morning.  He let her twist out of his arms, putting
himself between her and the spray while he turned the water back off.

"What're you--we--"  She dug her fingers into her hair as she spoke, quickly
skimming as much water away as possible before it soaked in.

"You wouldn't wake up.  You were screaming."  With her staring at him, confused
irritation replacing her fear, his own knees felt weak.  "Are you ok?"

"My heart--" she touched her throat, blood red nails standing out against her
skin like jewels "--my heart's pounding so hard."

"Mine too."  He hugged her close again, oblivious to the water dripping off
them.  "You scared the hell out of me."

"Sorry," she replied, her teeth chattering a little.  She reached up to unstick
a damp lock of hair from her cheek, and made a small sound of surprise when Haru
tightened his embrace.

"Don't apologize."  Her skin was cool under his lips when he kissed her
forehead, rubbing his thumb across her cheek to wipe away lingering tear tracks.
 Rin reached up to do the same on the other side of her face.  "It's fine, ok? 
You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I--"

"Don't."  He repeated it with enough force that she quieted, pressing her cheek
against his shoulder.  "It's hard seeing you so scared," he whispered.

She shook her head.  "I don't even remember it.  If my throat didn't feel all
raw, I'd think you were crazy."  Her low laugh was tinged with self-deprecation.
 "But nope, it's me."  A step back took her out of his arms and the shower, and
she peeled off her wet nightgown.  "Don't let me forget to take this before your
parents get home."

Haru followed her example, grabbing towels off the shelf for both of them. 
"D'you hurt anywhere?"

"My shoulder."  A puzzled frown crossed her face.  "And I feel a bit achy,
and--you're bruising."  Gentle fingers touched his side, where she'd been
pushing hardest against him.  "Was that me?"

"You're stronger than you look."  Intercepting the apologetic look that touched
her eyes, he added, "And you've got sharp elbows.  Want to go back to sleep
now?"

It was only a matter of minutes before they were settled back under the covers,
Rin shivering as she burrowed against him.  Haru kept his eyes open through
sheer force of will, rubbing her back until her skin warmed and her breathing
slowed, and he let himself sink into sleep after her.

[fin]