******** The Ceremony of Innocence a Fruits Basket fanfic by Ysabet MacFarlane (ba087@chebucto.ns.ca) Chapter Nine: All I Ever Needed [9/10] ******** ******** "is he real or a ghost-lie she feels she isn't heard and the veil tears and rages till her voices are remembered and his secrets can be told" -- Tori Amos, "Lust" (To Venus and Back: Orbiting) ********* Kyo woke slowly, trying to retain the pleasant haze of the dream that lingered in his mind. Truly good dreams were rare. He kept his eyes tightly closed against the world, against the small room that was all he ever saw of it. The bed was soft, although his pillow had bunched oddly under his head. He pushed at it. It moved differently enough from what he'd intended that his eyes opened in surprise, dispelling the shadow of his dream. He turned his head and realized that it was pillowed on Tohru's lap. She was leaning against the headboard of the unfamiliar bed, asleep. As he came completely awake the confusing mix of scents surrounding him came clear. Tohru herself, and--he lifted his head to avoid disturbing her and rolled over. Yuki was curled up in a large armchair beside the bed, Kagura was slumped in a heap on another, and Haru and Rin--Rin? He blinked in surprise--were nestled into a corner. Of them all, only Yuki was awake. Yuki met Kyo's eyes as he slowly sat up, trying not to jostle Tohru. "I'll get you something to wear," Yuki said, as calm as if this sort of thing happened every day. "It's pretty cool this morning." He stood silently and went to rummage in a closet until he came up with a heavy robe. Kyo climbed out from the nest of blankets and accepted it, avoiding Yuki's hand. "What happened to my clothes?" Yuki glanced past him at Tohru. "For all I know, they're still in the entryway. Tohru wanted to bring you in herself." "She looks exhausted," Kyo said quietly, examining her face. "She wouldn't go to sleep," Yuki murmured back. "I dozed off a few times, and she was always sitting there stroking your hair when I woke up. Come on, let's go somewhere else before we wake anyone. She'll find us the moment she wakes up and finds you gone." He headed for the door and Kyo followed, lacking any better idea of what to do. "Where are we?" "Kagura's house." Kyo's brow furrowed. "Was that her room? It didn't smell that strongly of her." The rest of the house did, he noted as they walked down the hallway. Kagura's scent made him vaguely nervous, although Yuki's physical proximity was bothering him more. *I am _not_ afraid of him,* he thought fiercely. *I'm not. He didn't have a choice.* Still, his hand drifted to touch the slight ridge where his jaw hadn't healed quite perfectly, a flaw more tangible than visible. The blow that had broken that bone, and the starburst of accompanying agony, were the last thing he remembered about the day he'd been locked away. "No, it's Rin's room." There was an odd look in Yuki's eyes as he spoke. "Although I think right now it's Haru's too." They made their way into the kitchen. "Are you hungry?" "A little," Kyo said. "But I don't think I'm ok with you cooking in someone else's kitchen." "They said to make ourselves at home," Yuki replied, peering into the fridge. "That probably doesn't mean they want you burning the house down," Kyo grumbled back. "Or have you magically learned how to not burn water?" Yuki shot him a mild glare, then shook his head. "Not really." "It's too early to be fighting," Kagura said from the doorway, making them both jump. "I can cook, _and_ I know where everything is." She came over to Kyo and, after a moment's hesitation, hugged him tightly. "It's so good to see you, Kyo-kun." When none of his bones cracked under her grip, he hugged her back. "You too," he admitted. "Will you be ok?" She studied him closely. "Probably. Getting used to being free again can't be harder than getting out of the room." "Yun-chan said it was difficult," she said quietly. "Yeah." He fell silent, then changed the subject. "Where's your mom?" "Visiting one of the aunts. She said she'd leave the house to us for a while." Kagura grinned. "Good thing she's used to Jyuunishi appetites--there's a lot of food in here. Feeding--" she paused to count "--five Jyuunishi will mean some big meals. Tohru-kun barely eats anything compared to us. I always feel like such a pig when I eat with her." She blinked innocently at him, waiting for the obvious response, so he gave it. "Well, you _are_ a pig." He stepped back and examined her. "A thin one, so I wouldn't worry about it." "Flatterer. For that you get breakfast." She started opening cupboards and pulling ingredients out. "You already offered us breakfast, Kagura," Yuki reminded her. "Shh, Yun-chan. That's not the point." She stretched a little, turned her head with them as they all heard light footsteps coming down the hall. "I should make something that reheats well; even if Tohru-kun wakes up soon, Isuzu usually sleeps a lot." "But then she doesn't eat, from the feel of her," Haru said, coming in. "She's all bones, Kagura-nee. Don't you people feed her?" "Morning, Haru-chan. We _try_ to feed her, but her stomach still bothers her too much to eat sometimes." Kagura shrugged awkwardly. "Then she gets grumpy if we try to make something that won't hurt her. I assume we'll be seeing a lot of you?" "I think so." "Good. She always listened to you. It'll be good for her to have someone forcing her to take care of herself." Kagura was busy at the stove. "She will," Haru said simply. "Morning, Yuki, Kyo." He threw an arm casually around each of them. "How's Tohru?" Kyo asked. "Still sound asleep; when I woke up I tucked Rin in with her, and neither of them even twitched." "Oh." To his family's eyes, it was clear that Kyo was torn between letting her sleep and wanting to see her. Yuki leaned back against the wall. "She won't mind if you wake her. Go ahead." Kyo met his eyes squarely for the first time. "And _you_ don't mind?" Yuki lifted his shoulders a little. "I mind a bit," he said. "But I don't own her, Kyo. And I know how badly she's missed you." "If Rin wakes up, tell her to come have breakfast," Haru added. "She's had lots of sleep already." Kyo glanced between the three of them uncertainly, until Kagura turned around from the food preparation and waved a spoon at him. "Shoo, Kyo-kun." ******** Tohru had slid further down the bed in her sleep, into what was almost a normal position. Beside her, Rin was curled up into a ball. Kyo crouched beside the bed, watching Tohru's eyes moving under their lids for a long time before he tentatively touched her head. "Tohru?" "Mmm?" She turned her face toward his voice, not quite waking. "Gonna wake up?" he said softly. "Hmm . . . " Her eyes flew open suddenly. "Kyo-kun!" "Yeah, it's me." She stared at him as if not quite trusting her senses, and then a small smile curved her lips. "Sorry," she said, and that was all the warning he got before her arms were around him, pulling him close as he transformed. "Hey!" he yelped, more startled than upset. "Sorry," she repeated, holding him tightly. "I just needed to feel you." "There're better ways than that," Rin said sleepily from Tohru's other side, sitting up and eyeing them. She and Tohru exchanged a look Kyo couldn't read. "Haru says to go eat breakfast," Kyo told her. "Back together for one day and he's already bossing me around," Rin grumbled, her eyes shining too much for either of them to take her seriously. She climbed over Tohru's legs and stretched as she slid her feet into a pair of slippers. "See you in a while. Be nice to my bed." She wrapped herself in a robe and headed into the hallway, sliding the door closed behind her. Kyo lay still while Tohru hugged him, enjoying the feel of her until she finally let go and rolled a few inches away. She lifted the edge of the blanket up, shivering. "You'll want this in a minute." "True." He padded underneath it, and for a moment was almost too warm; then, as his feline body vanished, it was perfectly comfortable against his bare skin. Tohru's fingers brushed against his face. "I was scared I was just dreaming that you were back," she said. "But you are. You're home." "I'm home," he echoed, sliding his hand under the back of her head and leaning over to kiss her cheek. She turned so that their lips came together instead, her mouth as gentle and welcoming as he'd remembered, but he made himself pull back sooner than he wanted to. He bent and kissed her shoulder, tracing the pattern of the scars hidden by her shirt. When he looked up at her, she read his face. "I never chose between you," she said, her voice almost steady. "I'm not going to now. If either of you decides you aren't . . . aren't ok with that, then I'll understand, but I _can't_ choose. I won't." Her words had the ring of something she'd said to herself many times. "What do you want to do, then?" he asked. "Things are different than they used to be. You've been lovers with both of us, so we can't pretend things are innocent anymore." Tohru lay back and gazed at the ceiling. "I don't know," she whispered. "I've been making it up as I went along. I--" she stopped, thinking. "I imagine I'll sleep with both of you if you're both comfortable with it. But you probably won't be. And I'm selfish, Kyo-kun. I'd rather . . . rather not be lovers with either of you than have one of you leave. It's not that important." "He must have been doing something wrong then," Kyo said mildly, not really serious at all, but she turned her head to look at him again. "No, I'm pretty sure he hasn't been doing anything wrong," she replied, matching his tone. "That's good." He was surprised to find that he meant it. *I don't own her, Kyo,* Yuki's voice murmured in his head. He took a slow breath to steady himself. "It'll be ok somehow, Tohru. Neither of us will leave you." "I missed you so much," she whispered. "I missed you too, dummy," he said, and when she laughed he kissed her again, letting her decide when to end it. It lasted a long time. Eventually his body reminded him that it hadn't been fed. "We've left four Jyuunishi alone with breakfast for a long time," he said. "We should go make sure they've left us some." "Ok." She let him pull her out of bed, and he rescued the robe he'd been wearing from where it had fallen when he transformed. He savored the warmth of her hand in his as they headed down the stairs. ******** "Does Shishou know I'm here?" Kyo asked after he had finished eating. He had put away an impressive amount of food, eating some of everything Kagura had made and visibly savoring it. No one asked what he'd been fed for the past two years, but the question crossed everyone's mind at least once. Around the table, heads shook. "We wanted to see how you were first," Haru said. "What day of the week is it?" Kyo asked. "Thursday." "Do any of you know what his teaching schedule's like?" Almost everyone nodded. "Haru-chan and Yun-chan and I have all been taking classes again," Kagura said. She twisted a strand of hair around one finger. Her voice trailed off as she continued, "He seemed lonely, so we wanted to keep him company without him thinking we were just hanging around." "We worked out an alternating schedule so he has at least one of us almost every day," Haru said. "And Tohru's been making sure Shigure invites him over for supper regularly," Yuki added. Kyo made a face. "Well, she knows Shishou can't cook," he said, and then looked around the table slowly. "Thanks, all of you." Kagura smiled. "Isuzu's been helping too." "Not really," Rin said, looking uncomfortable. Haru looked at her in surprise. "What've you been doing?" When she didn't answer, Kagura fielded the question. "She goes over every once in a while and fights with Kunimitsu." Understanding nods made their way around the table, but Tohru looked blank. "Um . . . how does that . . . help?" "Kunimitsu worries too much," Yuki explained. "He probably hovers over Shihan, who's too polite to get him to stop. If Rin gets his back up, he has an excuse to go vent, and it probably clears the air for a while." "It's not real fighting," Rin muttered. "We don't get angry. We just bicker." "I didn't know you knew Shishou-san so well," Tohru said. "We all know him," Rin replied. "He took an interest in the Jyuunishi after he adopted Kyo--he kind of keeps an eye out for us." "Isuzu stayed with us for a little while before she came to live here," Kyo said, looking at Tohru and missing Yuki's twitch of surprise. "She and Kunimitsu got under each other's skin a lot." Rin smiled in spite of herself. "He was the first person I ever yelled at. I scared myself so badly that I ran away and hid upstairs." "Why?" Tohru asked, wide-eyed. There was a long pause before Rin answered. "I expected him to hit me." "Shishou sent me to look for her, 'cause I could pull her out of wherever she'd gone without transforming her," Kyo said. "I found her under the bed, scared out of her mind." A rueful expression crossed his face. "How did it go? I think I told you not to be scared of Kunimitsu 'cause _he_ never hit anyone. And then you asked if Shishou hit me, and I said he hit me all the time, only I _meant_ in training . . . " "It's a good thing Kazuma-san came looking for us, because Kyo didn't understand why I was so upset," Rin said softly. "He got us straightened out, though. And he promised no one would hurt me." Her tone lightened. "Kunimitsu and I have been yelling at each other ever since." "Does he tell embarrassing stories about _your_ childhood whenever you get within a mile of him?" Kyo grumbled rhetorically. "So what's Shishou's schedule today, anyway?" Yuki shot a glance at the clock. "He started about an hour ago, and the next class should finish in another hour. Then I think he's got a couple of hours off before the class I usually take. But Kunimitsu's been doing some of the teaching for the intermediate students, so we can probably go over anytime." "Are we all going?" Tohru asked, biting her lip. "Yes," Kagura said firmly. "We'll be good and leave Kyo-kun and Shihan alone once we're there, but I think we should all walk over." Kyo glanced around at them all again, and Tohru reached over to take his hand. "Is it ok?" He nodded slowly. "Yeah." ******** The walk to the dojo was awkward compared to the level of comfort they'd managed around the breakfast table. Tohru kept a tight grip on Kyo's hand, but also took Yuki's. Kyo almost managed not to feel too jealous, and tried to distract himself by paying attention to the atmosphere surrounding him. Haru and Rin were holding hands as well, and somehow the gesture seemed more intimate between them than it had any right to be. Neither of them seemed to mind his attention, except when he looked too long at the bandage around her left arm; she tensed and looked away, suddenly reminding him very much of the skittish child she'd been when Kazuma had brought her home. It took almost half an hour to reach their destination, and no one made much effort to keep a conversation going. When they finally reached the fork in the road that could lead to either Kazuma's house or the dojo, Kyo hesitated and glanced down toward the house where he had spent so much of his childhood. It was almost tempting to go there and wait for his master's return; the prospect of seeing Kazuma in the next few minutes, added to the shock of his sudden freedom, made him feel shaky. Being surrounded by people after so long was unnerving. Tohru squeezed his hand when he didn't start moving again immediately, but said nothing. The others waited with no signs of impatience, letting him take the lead; after a moment, he straightened up and started toward the dojo. He didn't let himself hesitate when they arrived; instead he walked straight in, trying not to think about what he would say when he saw Kazuma. He stepped out of his shoes and stood aside enough to let the others do the same. As they waited for Rin to unlace her boots, hurried footsteps sounded in the hall. A moment later Kunimitsu was standing in the doorway, blinking at them in surprise. "Kazuma-san is teaching right now," he said as he turned his head to take in the whole group. Tohru squeezed Kyo's shoulder. "Yuki-san, I thought your class wasn't until later--Kagura-san, Hatsuharu-san, are you two even scheduled today?" He gave Rin a vaguely suspicious look, and she smiled back, all innocence. Kyo saw Kunimitsu notice how close she and Haru were to each other, suspicion turning to speculation. "What's going on?" His gaze finally landed on Kyo and Tohru. "Kyo," he whispered, his voice catching. "What are--how--" "You heard the news from the House?" Yuki asked quietly. Kunimitsu nodded jerkily, still staring at Kyo. "Kazuma-san's planning to go over tonight--Shigure-san called last night and told him--such sudden news--" He trailed off, hesitated, and then took Kyo's arm in a tight, affectionate grip. "I can't tell you how good it is to see you again," he said simply. "And Kazuma-san, he . . . do you want me to tell him you're here, or would you rather just go in?" "I don't know." Tohru rested her head comfortingly on his shoulder while he considered it. "How long until the class ends?" "About ten minutes." "Ok." Kyo took a deep breath and walked toward the main room, from which they could hear the familiar sounds of practice. "What will he say?" he muttered to himself, and then he stopped short, so abruptly that Tohru almost bumped into him. Years of habit brought her arm up between them to keep the curse from triggering. "What will my _father_ say?" "Your biological father?" Haru asked. Kyo nodded. "I've heard about him." There was suddenly a soft, dark edge to the ox's voice that made the others pause and glance at him. Rin silently met his eyes and lifted his hand to her mouth, kissing his fingertips. The aura of danger subsided. "Wow," Kagura murmured, giving Rin a respectful look. "If he says anything and you don't want to deal with him, we will," Haru continued in milder tones. "But it doesn't sound like he's ever said anything about you that was worth listening to." Kyo's mouth quirked. "I don't know if he says anything nice about anyone. He said some nasty stuff about Tohru the last time I saw him, so the rat and I had to offer to kick his ass." Yuki shrugged. "You can't pick your family." "You kind of can," Haru said. "At least, you can pick who you want to keep." He prodded Kyo lightly in the arm. "Your _father's_ just down the hall. Go see him." ******** The little group gathered at the doorway to watch Kazuma's class wrap up. Yuki, Kyo, Kagura, and Haru followed the familiar ritual attentively; Tohru and Rin watched them instead of the class. Kunimitsu walked into the room and stood behind Kazuma while the students were dismissed. As the students filed out, Kunimitsu moved toward Kazuma, but before he could speak the master turned and noticed Tohru and the small clump of Jyuunishi. Unlike his assistant, he saw Kyo immediately. For a moment the two stood looking at each other, and then they both moved at once, meeting and embracing several paces away from the others. Whatever they said to each other was too quiet to be heard, but the open joy on Kazuma's face spoke volumes. After a few minutes he and Kyo came back to Tohru and their family. His equanimity had already returned, and he welcomed them with his usual courtesy. "Kunimitsu, will you go up to the house and make tea for everyone?" he asked. His assistant nodded and hurried off, eyes suspiciously bright, and Kazuma began to herd his visitors toward the door. When everyone was sliding their shoes back on, he got a good look at Rin. Before she could dodge, he caught her right wrist and turned her so that he could examine the bandage on her other arm. She grimaced and pulled away, looking at the floor. "It wasn't my idea," she said. "Ah." Kazuma touched the top of her head in a gesture so paternal that the other Jyuunishi expected her to flare up. Instead she sighed and accepted the touch, patient if not exactly welcoming, and a moment later he withdrew his hand. She silently returned to lacing her boots, not bothering to adjust them completely for the short walk to the house. ******** It all felt like a dream. Kunimitsu took Tohru and the Jyuunishi out into the garden with their tea, while Kyo and Kazuma sat in the living room, and Kyo couldn't shake the feeling that any moment he was going to wake up again. He focused on the tangible things: the heat of the teacup in his hand, the scent of the garden blowing in through the wide windows that dominated the room. Kazuma's aura of calm serenity was almost a solid thing of its own, warm and reliable. Sitting there, it was almost possible to pretend that last several years had never happened, that he had simply lived in this familiar house and never left. Nothing about it had really changed since his childhood--Kazuma wasn't much for redecorating. The same gentle sound of the wind-chimes, the same smells of herbs and flowers . . . his childhood had been steeped in them, and the two years of confinement had left him with little to do but live in his memories. Neither of them felt any need for small talk, particularly with each other. Kyo listened idly to the sounds coming in from the garden, filtering through his family's voices and focusing on Tohru's. Kazuma tilted his head when her laughter reached them, and smiled. "I haven't heard her sound like that in a long time. It's good." "What's she been like?" Kyo asked. Kazuma sipped his tea. "Muted," he said. "She's still been herself, and--" he chuckled "--she's still been a magnet for the Jyuunishi. It's quite remarkable how she affects all of you. But she never stopped needing both you and Yuki to balance her." "Could she have stopped?" "Probably. She could have taught herself to think as if you were dead, allowed herself to go through something like a normal grieving process. But she refused, as I told you." He paused, thoughtfully. "I have most of my information secondhand, of course. But she's become more solitary--not that she withdraws from anyone, but she's been more inclined to go off on her own." A startled, wordless exclamation came through the window, and they both leaned to look out. Yuki and Haru were exchanging amused looks, and Rin was glaring at both of them. Tohru, Kagura, and Kunimitsu were pointedly not getting involved in whatever was going on. Kazuma smiled again. "If Isuzu's been in Hatsuharu's presence this long without incident, I think it's safe to assume that something good has happened on that front as well." The smile wavered. "A pity that it took a death to bring these things about." He gave Kyo a penetrating look. "Are you having the same problems as the Jyuunishi are? I know you were never compelled to love Akito to the same extent as they were." Kyo shook his head. "I don't particularly mourn him," he said after a moment. "I mostly feel the absence where his control was." "Freedom?" "Not exactly." He finished his tea and stared out the window, examining his own mind. It was something he had become much better at over the past two years. "It's not freedom, Shishou. It's a reprieve while waiting for his successor to be born." He took a slow breath, filtering through the scents. "Being here is freedom. Being able to hear Tohru is freedom. Even if she had forgotten me and gone and married the rat or something, just being able to hear her voice would be freedom." He hesitated. "I don't have a word for knowing that she still loves me." He closed his eyes and smiled, and there was more peace in that smile than Kazuma had ever seen on his face. "I don't need a word to know that it's good." ******** The sun was going down by the time they left. "Are you ok with going home to Shigure's place?" Yuki asked Kyo, awkward with him now that the first rush of freeing him was fading. He glanced at Haru and Rin. "I think those two need some time on their own too." Kyo nodded. "Sure. Anywhere's good, really." "You're not still having lingering obedience compulsions, are you?" Kyo glanced at the sky, which looked far more imposing than he remembered it. "I don't think so. The habits are probably gonna take some overcoming, but I don't think the compulsions should be a problem." "Ok," Yuki replied. They were reaching the point where the group would have to part ways. He raised his voice so that the others could all hear him. "We're going back home," he said. "Kagura, will you thank your mom for letting us stay?" "Hmm?" Kagura blinked, startled, and then nodded. "Sure. Give us a call tomorrow and check in, ok?" They had reached the fork in the road. She hugged Kyo hard, letting go just when he began to feel short of breath, and gave Yuki and Tohru quicker hugs. Kyo found himself in a half-playful hold when Haru caught him, and reacted by breaking loose and pinning the ox, who didn't put up much of a fight. "I can still kick your ass," he said, and Haru's eyes gleamed. "We'll have to check that out." Kyo let him go, and turned to head toward Shigure's house with Tohru and Yuki. Toward home. He couldn't remember if he'd ever let himself think of it that way while living there, but in the cell he hadn't been able to deny the shift in his thinking. Home wasn't with Kazuma anymore. It was with Tohru. Even if that meant it was also with the rat. ******** The day held one more surprise, though. When the three of them let themselves into the house and called out to Shigure, his wasn't the voice that answered. A quick glance at the others told Kyo that they were as startled as he was. They went into the living room and found Shigure sitting there with Arisa and Saki. The two girls were looking quietly smug, and both stood up when the trio entered. "Good to see you, Kyon," Arisa said lightly, reaching out and tousling his hair before he could react. "Yes, good to see you," Saki murmured. Shigure was laughing one of his quieter laughs. "Some things never change, Kyo-kun. Girls can still get under your radar if you're not expecting them." He stopped laughing and gave Kyo a sidelong look. "It's nice to have things back to normal, isn't it?" Kyo guessed it was the closest Shigure would come to commenting directly on his return, but it was more than he'd expected. He ignored the remark, and let himself snarl a little. "You just had to call them, huh?" Arisa shook her head. "The writer didn't call us. Hanajima called me and told me we were coming over. And we're not staying--I guess you guys have some adjusting to do." "To lots of things," Yuki said. Saki bowed. "Condolences on your loss," she said simply, giving all of the Sohmas a piercing glance. "Your waves have all changed," she added, as if she were only commenting on the weather. "Interesting." "Be in touch when your family situation settled down some," Arisa said. She grinned at Yuki and Kyo, and then she and Saki both hugged Tohru goodbye and were gone. Tohru stared after them for a moment, wide-eyed, and then gave herself a little shake. "Well, I'm going to go make supper," she said, and the simple happiness in her voice made all three men smile. ******** Fruits Basket is the creation of Takaya Natsuki, and is licensed in North America by FUNimation (anime) and Tokyopop (manga). Used without permission or the intention of making a profit. Please support the original work! "The Ceremony of Innocence" © 2004 by Ysabet MacFarlane (ba087@chebucto.ns.ca). Edited by Alishya Lane. Comments and criticism welcomed at the above address. Full author's notes available at (http://bounce.to/ysabet) This story may be reproduced and archived so long as the original text is preserved and the author's name and contact information remain attached. Notifying the author of any such use is an appreciated courtesy. NO CHANGES OF ANY KIND ARE PERMITTED.