This is far from a complete list of the music I was mainly listening to while writing this story, but the songs here are the key ones I used to help maintain the characters' emotional progressions and to keep myself in similar headspaces while I was writing and rewriting specific scenes. I'm listing the songs in the approximate order they would go in if I had to match them to individual scenes or moments in the story, but not narrowing it down beyond that. If you download and listen to them, I hope you enjoy them (and maybe discover an artist you hadn't heard before), but the connections I make between what I hear and what I write probably wouldn't translate well to anyone else.

The songs:
Cold Water (Damien Rice) | Bells For Her (Tori Amos) | Carbon (Tori Amos) | The Girl Who Falls Downstairs (Tom McRae) | Cannonball (Damien Rice; acoustic version) Human Remains (Tom McRae) | Be Like Water (Sarah Fimm, remixed by Beauty's Cathedral) | Mother (Tori Amos) | Feather Moon (Vienna Teng) | Little Earthquakes (Tori Amos)| In the Sun (Joseph Arthur) | Perfect (Smashing Pumpkins)

Download zip file - (12 MP3s, about 83 MB)


Cold Water

(Damien Rice, on the album "O"; performed with Lisa Hannigan)

 Cold cold water
Surrounds me now
And all I've got
Is your hand

Lord can you hear me now
Lord can you hear me now
Lord can you hear me now
Or am I lost

No one's daughter
Allow me that
And I can't let go of your hand

Lord can you hear me now
Lord can you hear me now
Lord can you hear me now
Or am I lost

Don't you know I love you
And I always have
Hallelujah
Will you come with me

Cold cold water
Surrounds me now

And all I've got / Cold, cold water
Is your hand / Surrounds me now
Lord / Can you hear me
Lord / Can you hear me now
Lord / Can you hear me
Or am I lost, or am I lost...

Bells For Her

(Tori Amos, on the album "Under the Pink")

 And through the life force and there goes her friend
On her nishiki it's out of time
And through the portal they can make amends

Hey would you say whatever we're blanket friends
Can't stop what's coming
Can't stop what's on its way

And through the walls they made their mudpies
I've got your mind i said
She said i've your voice
I said you don't need my voice girl
You have your own
But you never thought it was enough of
So they went years and years
Like sisters blanket girls
Always there through that and this
There's nothing we cannot ever fix i said

Can't stop what's coming
Can't stop what's on its way
Bells and footfalls and soldiers and dolls
Brothers and lovers she and i were
Now she seems to be sand under his shoes
There's nothing i can do
Can't stop what's coming
Can't stop what's on its way

And now i speak to you are you in there
You have her face and her eyes
But you are not her
And we go at each other like blank ettes
Who can't find their thread and their bare

Can't stop loving
Can't stop what is on its way
And i see it coming
And it's on its way

Carbon

(Tori Amos, on the album "Scarlet's Walk")

 carbon-made found her at the
End of a chain
"time to race" she said
"race the downhill"

Behind crystalline
irises
loons can dive
where the world
bleeds
white

just keep
your eyes
on her
keep
don't
look

away

keep
your eyes on
her
horizon

Bear Claw
Free Fall
a Gunner's View
black
and
blue
shred
in
ribbons
of
lithium

blow by
blow
Her
Mind
cut
In
Sheets
Layers
Deep
now
unravel
ing

Just
Keep
Your
Eyes
On
Her
Keep
Don't
Look
Away
Keep
Your
Eyes
On
Her
Horizon

Get me Neil on the line
No i can't hold
have him read

'Snow
Glass
Apples"
where
nothing is
what
it
seems

"Little Sis
you must
crack this"
he says to me
"you must
go in again
carbon-made
only
wants
to
be
unmade"
Blade to
ice it's
Double Diamond
time

and keep
your eyes
on her
keep
don't
look away
keep
your eyes on
her eyes
on
her
horizon
on her
eyes
on her
horizon

The Girl Who Falls Downstairs

(Tom McRae, on the album "All Maps Welcome")

 She says
I know your face
But something's strange
In your eyes

Your voice I know so well
Your words I don't
Recognise

And darkness creeps
Borne on cold winds
Blows my footprints away

And I see myself
Turn into something else
Turn into someone else
For a while
And I know I'm right
Running into this night
Running another dream to the ground

The girl who falls down stairs
She calls my name
Through the air

She says I loved you once
I'd love you again
If you dare

So wipe the sleep from tiger eyes
And put this moment aside

And I see myself
Turn into something else
Turn into someone else
For a while
And I know I'm right
Running into this night
Running another dream to the ground

Needles buzz like
Neon light and
I am stained by
This town

And all my faith gone
All maps welcome
The stairs have twisted around

And I see myself
Turn into something else
Turn into someone else
For a while
And I know I'm right
Running into this night
Running another dream to the ground

Pull me out
Pull me out
Pull me out

Cannonball (acoustic version)

(Damien Rice, on the album "O")

 There's still a little bit of your taste
In my mouth
There's still a little bit of you laced
With my doubt
It's still a little hard to say
What's going on

There's still a little bit of your ghost
Your witness
There's still a little bit of your face
I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
That I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

There's still a little bit of your song
In my ear
There's still a little bit of your words
I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

Human Remains

(Tom McRae, on the album "Just Like Blood")

 The picture is burned at the edge
And you're looking away
Looking for what's next
And strange how through time we look the same
Your eyes and mine looking away
Too scared to see human remains

And soon enough soon enough
This will all be a memory
And soon enough soon enough
This will fade like the photograph
Of you and me

Our history is just in our blood
And history like love is never enough
And I recognise so much of you
In these eyes always so blue
Why always so blue

And soon enough soon enough
This will all be a memory
And soon enough soon enough
This will fade like a photograph

Those things that I've lost and things that I've sold
This case is now closed the trail has gone cold
And your sticks all are snakes i throw them aside
They twist 'til they break but they never die
This is not enough this is not enough
This is not enough this is not enough for me
This is not enough this is not enough
This is not enough for any of us to be

The picture is burned at the edge
And you're looking away looking for what's next
Tell me what's next

Be Like Water

(Sarah Fimm, on the album "A Perfect Dream". Remixed by Beauty's Cathedral)

 Don't chase ghosts, don't get too close,
Don't get caught, don't get spent
Don't get bought
Don't sell out, don't get bent
Don't fuck your best friend
If everything is just the way it should be
Why am I why am I still hungry
Be like Water
Don't be shy, don't shut your eyes
Don't get high
Expand your Mind.
Don't keep in touch, don't touch yourself
Don't ever want to be somebody else.
When everything is bad as it can be
Never be never be angry
Be like Water
Must be the answer you want
I'm not your slave
I'm not the one who burnt you out
Fucked you up and put you on
Broke you down
Ask someone else
To be that someone
I can't be that someone who can
Be like Water
Why can't I be the answer you want?

Mother

(Tori Amos, on the album "Little Earthquakes". This is the alternate mix from the "Piano" collection)

 go go go go now
out of the nest it's time
go go go now
circus girl without a safety net
here here here now don't cry
you raised your hand
for the assignment
tuck those ribbons under your helmet
be a good soldier
first my left foot
then my right behind the OTHER
pantyhose running in the cold

mother the car is here
somebody leave the light on
green limousine for the redhead
DANCING dancing girl
and when i dance for him
somebody leave the light on
just in just in case i like the dancing
i can remember where i come from

i walked into your dream
and now i've forgotten
how to dream my own dream
you are the CLEVER one aren't you
brides in veils for you
we told you all of our secrets
all but one
so don't you even try
the phone has been disconnected
dripping with blood and with time
and with your advice
poison me against the MOON

mother the car is here
somebody leave the light on
black chariot for the redhead
DANCING dancing girl
he's gonna change my name
maybe you'll leave the light on
just in just in case i like the dancing
i can remember where i come from

i escape into your escape
into our very favorite fearscape
it's across the sky and i cross my heart
and i cross my legs oh my god
first my left foot
then my right behind the other
breadcrumbs lost under the snow

oo who mother
oo mother the car is here
maybe maybe you'll leave the light on
for the for the for the dancing girl
he's gonna change my name
maybe you'll leave the light
just in case i like the dancing
i can remember where i come come from

mother mother mother

Feather Moon

(Vienna Teng, on the album "Warm Strangers")

 feather moon
scarlet sky
living clouds
my blinded eye
waters black
wood in snow
dead of night
how bright you glow

breathe in breathe out
exhale and inhale

seven sins
god of stone
all is true
down to the bone
feather moon
scarlet sky
I love you endlessly
not knowing why

Little Earthquakes

(Tori Amos, on the album "Little Earthquakes"

 yellow bird flying
gets shot in the wing
good year for hunters
and christmas parties
and i hate
and i hate
and i hate
and i hate elevator music
the way we fight
the way i'm left here silent

oh these little earthquakes
here we go again
these little earthquakes
doesn't take much to
rip us into pieces

we danced in graveyards
with vampires till dawn
we laughed in the faces of kings
never afraid to burn
and i hate
and i hate
and i hate
and i hate disintegration
watching us wither
black winged roses
that safely changed their COLOR

oh these little earthquakes
here we go again
these little earthquakes
doesn't take much to
rip us into pieces

i can't reach you
can't reach you
give me life
give me pain
give me myself again

oh these little earthquakes
here we go again
these little earthquakes
doesn't take much to
rip us into pieces

In the Sun

(Joseph Arthur, on the album "Come To Where I'm From")

 I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you

I know i would apologize if i could see your eyes
'Cause when you showed me myself i became someone else
But i was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You can't keep awake

May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you

'Cause if i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find
If i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find
You

I don't know anymore
What it's for
I'm not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
'Cause i been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe you're not even sure what it's for
Any more than me

May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you

Perfect

(Smashing Pumpkins, on the album "Adore"

 I know
we're just like old friends
We just can't pretend
that lovers make amends

we are
reasons so unreal
we can't help but feel
that something has been lost

but please
you know you're just like me
next time
I promise we'll be perfect
perfect

perfect
strangers down the line
lovers out of time
memories unwind

so far I still know who you are
but now I wonder who I was

angel
you know it's not the end
we'll always be good friends
but the letters have been sent on

so please
you always were so free
you'll see
I promise we'll be perfect
perfect

perfect
strangers when we meet
strangers on the street
lovers while we sleep

perfect
you know this has to be
we always were so free
we promised that we'd be
perfect