*****
"Alive Through the Dawn"
a Fruits Basket fanfic by Ysabet MacFarlane (ba087@chebucto.ns.ca)

Part Two (b) of Two

Please note that this file is the second HALF of part two, broken for the
convenience of readers who dislike reading large stories in one sitting.
******


*****
"just when you escape you have yourself to fear"
	--Tori Amos, "Purple People" (b-side, from the choirgirl hotel)
*****

Rin closed her eyes and stood still under the shower spray, grateful for the
heat.  Water streamed down her face, droplets catching on her eyelashes like
tears waiting to fall; she turned and rubbed her cheek against Haru's chest,
brushing them away on his skin.  She had set the water to the temperature she
liked, and then let him turn the heat down enough that he was willing to get in.

"The tub will be hotter than that," she'd pointed out, shivering while he
adjusted it.  The cool night air made her glad that Kazuma had added a modern
shower to the otherwise-traditional bathing room with its roomy soaking tub.

"Yeah, but that water's not going to be pounding on us," he replied.  He took
her hand and squeezed it.  "Look, your arm's still red from testing it."  Rin
glanced at her skin automatically, then shrugged.

"I'm cold," she said quietly, and Haru's forehead furrowed in the worried way
that always made her want to kiss him.  He pulled her against him and rubbed his
hands up her arms, down her sides.  His fingers lingered on the edges of her
bones wherever they showed through her skin; she knew her thinness worried him,
but it was also obvious that he was fascinated by it, by the evidence of her
body's inner workings.  "If you do that while we're in the shower, I might stay
warm enough," she conceded, and let him tug her into the water.

He kept stroking her while the heat soaked in, until she stopped shivering, and
then he let go of her long enough to pick up the soap.  "We're supposed to be
getting clean, right?" he said, and his hands were on her again, slippery with
lather.  Rin let him manipulate her while he worked, lulled by his touch and the
lovely feeling of being warm all the way through.

When Haru was finished washing her body, he straightened up and touched her hair
gently.  "D'you want . . ?"

She shook her head.  "I washed it this morning, so it should be fine with a
rinse."  She put her head under the water, working her fingers quickly through
her hair, and then rested her forehead on his shoulder.  "It's a lot easier to
take care of this way, that's for sure.  Trade places."  Haru blinked down at
her, and she frowned.  "My turn."

"Thought you just had your turn," he said mildly, letting her nudge him aside
and slip behind him.

"Don't be difficult," Rin replied, wrapping her arms around him.  She buried her
face in the shallow between his shoulders and inhaled.  "You smell good," she
whispered.

Haru laughed, sending vibrations though her.  "I smell like you."

"That's not all."  Her lips moved over his back.  "Does it hurt?"

"Huh?"

She pressed a fingertip against one of the scratches on his back.  "You were so
worried about hurting me, and you're the one who's bleeding," she said, kissing
his shoulder.

"Am I really?"  He moved as if trying to see his own back, and she tightened her
arms to hold him still.

"Only a little."  A web of angry welts marked her nails' movements across his
back, but the skin was mostly unbroken.  Only one scratch was still bleeding;
impulsively, she ran her tongue over it.  Tasting his blood was like tasting her
own, in a way.  Sohma blood, binding them together on a cellular level.  She
reached around and took the soap out of his hands.  "Hold still now."

He submitted to her attentions without further complaint.  When he was clean,
she gathered him against her.  "Better?" he asked.

Rin pressed her face into his skin again.  "Different," she replied, sliding
around to stand in front of him.  The water beat onto her back, liquid heat
pouring over her while he folded her into his arms.  She lifted up on the balls
of her feet and kissed him; he held her there while he returned the kiss, toying
with her lower lip before his tongue slipped into her mouth.

The water made it hard to hold onto each other, but her skin tingled under it. 
The feel of him becoming aroused again sent a wave of warmth through her; she
closed her eyes and let herself feel the ache deep inside from the force of
their earlier lovemaking.  She stood lost in the memory for a moment: the
harshness of his breathing, his heart pounding against her, his entire body
straining with the need to be closer to her.  A vague feeling of guilt over how
much pleasure she took from the unrestrained strength of his body--less intense
than the release he had given her with his mouth, but still enough to leave her
dizzy and clinging to him.  Almost enough to thaw the cold emptiness in the back
of her mind, and for once she'd heard the words spilling from her lips--*don't
stop, don't stop*--and the equally-incoherent replies he muttered into her skin.
 She had barely noticed that it hurt until it was over and she saw the stricken
look that flashed in his eyes.

She kissed him again as she came out of the reverie, backing him against the
wall, sliding one hand lightly down the outside of his leg, over his knee, up
the inside of his thigh.  For an instant he hesitated, but then he leaned back,
giving her the same freedom she'd given him.  One hand wandered over the back of
her neck, stroking too lightly to be controlling.  For several minutes, Rin
teased him gently, exploring his chest with her mouth, his hips and thighs with
her hands, never quite touching his erection except when she leaned close and
felt it between their bodies.  She moved from one sensitive spot to another,
cautious of his bruises, trying to keep him from anticipating her.  The steady
rush of the shower made it easier; the water touched him wherever she didn't.

When his breathing was ragged, she arched up and kissed his lips again, holding
onto his hips for balance.  She smiled at the way his mouth opened under hers,
and slid to her knees, holding onto his hips to keep herself from slamming into
the floor.  A kiss just beside his navel made him twitch, his hand coming to
rest on the top of her head while she licked the innocent patch of skin, almost
carelessly rubbing her cheek against his cock as her mouth worked only inches
away.  She didn't need to look up to know he was staring down at her, entranced.

Sure that he wasn't going to push her away again, she ran her hand up the inside
of his thigh and closed her lips over his cock.  His incoherent sound of
pleasure made her laugh, and the vibration in her throat sent a violent shudder
through him.  Water streamed down his body and through her hair, keeping her
warm while she took him as far into her mouth as she could.  The rigid feel of
his legs under her hands spoke volumes about the effort he was making to not
thrust further; she eased back and turned her head, teasing with the barest
touch of her lips.  He made a faint sound of protest and she leaned in close
again, reacquainting herself with the feel of his cock sliding across her
tongue, the hint of his pulse deep in her mouth.  She brought one hand up close
against his body, cupping his balls in her palm and rubbing her fingertips hard
against the insides of his thighs.  He caught her other hand in his, clenching
down painfully on her fingers while she stroked and sucked at him.

His low moan was all the warning she needed before he climaxed, salt and warmth
flooding her mouth and throat; she kept her tongue moving gently until his grip
on her fingers eased, became a caress across her palm.  She squeezed his hand
and pressed her cheek against his hip, letting her mind go blank while he
touched her face and the water kept beating down on them.

When she finally leaned back and looked up at him, something in his expression
made her heart skip a beat.  She tugged gently on his hand, and he let her pull
him down so they were facing each other.  "What is it?"  Water pooled around
them where their legs blocked its access to the drain.  Haru stroked her face,
his thumb grazing over her lips while he stared at her.  "Haru?"  She ducked out
from under his hand and moved to crouch over him; his arms went around her,
crushing her against him.  For a long time he only held her, his face hidden
against her breasts.

Finally he shifted, and she took the opportunity to change position.  When she
glanced at them, her knees and shins were lined in red from the tiled floor. 
Haru followed her gaze.  "The tub's probably more comfortable, I guess," he
said.  Rin nodded agreement, and he slowly stood up, keeping an arm tight around
her waist so that she had to move with him.  He turned the shower off with his
other hand and stood still.

"Haru."  Rin tried to step back, to look at him, but his hold on her tightened. 
"Are you--what--"  She worked one arm free and reached up to stroke the back of
his neck.

"I can't."  He made a sound that was almost a laugh.  "I can feel you getting
cold already, and it's only about five feet to the tub so I can run the water,
and I can't--I can't let you go."

"You don't have to," she said.  "I'm right here."

Haru looked down at her, bringing one hand up to slowly finger her hair.  He
nodded after a moment and loosened his grip enough that they could slide the
shower door open and step out.  Even in the steam-filled room, the temperature
drop made Rin's skin immediately ripple with goosebumps.  Haru snagged a yukata
from the hook on the back of the door and wrapped her in it before leaning over
the tub and turning the water on.  While it began to fill, he slid his hand up
the inside of a sleeve, caressing her arm.  Rin closed her eyes and leaned
against him until the tub was almost full, then let the yukata slide off her
shoulders so they could get in.  When they sat in it, the water came halfway up
her arms; she slid further down so she was almost completely immersed.  Haru
wrapped his arms around her again, holding her close.

"I'm scared to let go of you," he said eventually.  "I feel like if I stop
seeing you or touching you, you'll be gone."

"You weren't like this earlier."

"Not when you've been awake."  Something terrible sparked in his eyes, and Rin
pressed her fingertips against his face, tracing its lines as if she could read
his nightmares like braille.  "I just . . . "

"Tell me."  He almost flinched under her touch, staring at her.  "Tell me," she
repeated.  "Whatever it is--"

"I wish you hadn't--"  Tension made his muscles spasm under her touch, and she
tried to stroke it away.  Haru reached up and caught her hands, pressing them
together as he swore under his breath.  "D'you have any idea how _incredible_
your mouth feels?  I thought--thought it'd be ok, if you wanted to--but I was
watching you, and . . . "  One hand slid up her back and settled unerringly
along her scar, fingertips on her shoulder, wrist against the edge of her spine.

"Do you know what that is, sweetheart?" he whispered, and the anguished edge in
his voice scraped against her ears.  "That's me wanting you and pretending you
were terrified for no reason.  That's my fucking lust carved into your body, and
it's never going to heal, is it?"  His fingers moved convulsively, mapping the
ridges of insensitive skin.  "I wanted to kill your mother for letting your
father hurt you, when I let you get hurt because touching you felt so good, and
I pretended nothing happened, just like them."

"Haru--"

"I can't even sleep 'cause it's all I can think about, but then--then I can
watch you going down on me, and want to stop you because it makes me see all the
ways you've been hurt because of me--and I didn't stop you because it felt too
good."  Rin stared at his mouth, the shape of the words.  "Your parents are
crazy.  What's my excuse?  Loving you?"  His lips were deathly white, sweat
flecking his skin.  "I didn't hold back because she looked like you.  I stopped
because she looked like me."  One shaking hand pressed against her cheek.  "I
love you, I swear I love you, but I don't know what to do."  His voice faded
almost to nothing as the torrent of words slowed.  "Rin, what do you want me to
do?"

"I--"  The desperation on his face made him look almost obscenely young.  Rin
looked away--at the ceiling, at the steam obscuring the mirror, at the walls,
anywhere but at him.  He hadn't looked so young since the sunny afternoon he'd
come to see her in the hospital and she had used every intimacy they'd ever
shared to construct the most brutal, concise rejection she could think of.  He
hadn't said a word, hadn't argued, only stared at her while something vulnerable
and irretrievable crumbled behind his eyes.  "I'm not the only one who was
hurt."

Haru's hand was still on her cheek, and she let him turn her head.  "It's not
the same," he said.

Tears welled up without warning.  "I hated hurting you, I hated it so much, but
I did it anyway."  Her stomach clenched, bile burning her throat.  After
breaking up with him, after he had gone, she'd vomited until she was too weak to
stand.  A nurse had had to help her back to bed.  "I didn't know what else to
do.  I couldn't tell you what happened."  She tried to push away from him,
suddenly unable to bear his touch, and he let her go.  Water splashed over the
edge of the tub, counterpoint to the rain hitting the window, and she buried her
face in her hands.  "What I _want_ you to do is hold me and make love with me
and . . . and _sleep_."  Her voice was breaking, barely functional through the
pain in her throat.  "You're not like my parents.  You're--"

His hands closed on her wrists, so tight that she could feel her own pulse
beating against his palms.  "How am I different?" he demanded, and she stopped
trying to look away from the need in his eyes.

"You've never done anything to me that I haven't let you do.  _Nothing_."

The words stopped him cold, his grip on her mercifully loosening.  Rin let
herself go limp, trusting him to hold her up, envying his ability to regain
control of himself once something snapped him out of whatever state he was in. 
Her own control was slipping dangerously, parts of her mind shutting down like
lights going out.  She tried to focus on Haru saying her name, on the pressure
of his hand against her chest as he felt her frantic heartbeat.

"Your heart," he breathed, staring at her.  "Rin, it's ok.  Don't--"  His lips
kept moving, but his words slid over her like the water falling to the floor,
warmth that might be comforting if it weren't slipping away.  "Rin.  Come on,
lovely girl, stay with me."  She dimly remembered him shaking her back into
focus earlier in the week, her attempt to explain the safe blankness she had
learned to live in.

"Isuzu!"

The sound of her real name brought her eyes up to meet his, shocked.  "You've
never--"

"Don't lock me out," Haru whispered.

"It hurts."  The vulnerability in her own voice made her wince and shake her
head.

"I know."  He pulled her back into his arms and leaned back into the water,
letting it close over them.

"Don't call me that name."

"You weren't hearing me--"

"It's not my name.  Not with you."  Tears were leaking down her cheeks no matter
how hard she squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to sink back into the deathly
stillness that had held her mind together through the months of isolation.

"I'm sorry," Haru said.  "Rin.  Rin, Rin, beautiful girl, I love you."  A sob
escaped her, and another.

"I can't stop it," she choked out.  The fierce ache in her throat spread down
through her chest; she rubbed at her neck, trying to ease it.

"You don't have to stop it."

"It's too dark in my head."  Pain lancing through her temples made her whimper
and hide her face against him.  "I can't--" her voice broke "--why can't I stop
it, I stopped it before--"

"Before . . ?"

"In . . . in the room, I . . . "  Breathing was almost impossible through the
pain.  "I couldn't make noise, I couldn't--Akito didn't want to hear me, and
I--"  Sobs shattered the words, battered against the old cracks in her ribs, and
Haru was clinging to her, his fingers buried in her hair, lips moving against
her cheek.  "--I had to be quiet so the darkness couldn't--couldn't get into me
and Akito wouldn't hear me and--"  She shoved her hands against her mouth,
trying to block the terrified sound of her own voice.

"Tell me what to do," Haru whispered, and the helpless words sent reflexive
protectiveness resonating through her, into the emptiness that she had expected
to swallow her whole.  The familiarity of his heartbeat suddenly immobilized
her: Sohma heart pumping Sohma blood, Akito's blood, in his veins, and the blood
and the need to protect him held her still while Akito's fingers raked through
her hair and Akito's voice gave the orders that would lock her away and Akito's
footsteps down the hall left her alone with her own silence . . . 

When the scream tore out of her, she didn't register it as sound, only as more
pain in her throat and as a startled spasm in Haru's body.  The echoes of her
voice, the broken despair in it, came back at her from the walls, and she heard
the second scream: it boiled out of her, left her cold and so tense that every
muscle in her body cramped violently, paralyzing her with pain.  She bit her lip
hard, tasted her own blood instead of his as she tried not to cry out again.

"It's ok."  Haru's voice shook as he spoke, but he took her hand and began
massaging her palm and fingers gently to try working the cramp out.  "No one's
here but us."  He rested his cheek against her forehead, and she felt his tears,
hotter than the cooling water.  "You don't have to be strong all the time.  I'm
scared to know what happened to you, but it _happened_, Rin.  And you survived."

She shuddered and forced her eyes open, saw blood from her lip staining his
skin.  "I never want to see Akito again."  The twin horrors of the words--seeing
or not seeing her god--made her cringe.

"No," Haru whispered.  "No, you shouldn't."  His fingers were digging into the
agonizing tension in her back, and Rin tried to relax her muscles, to think
about anything but the lurking emptiness in her mind and the tears still running
freely down her cheeks.

"Akito left me there."  The final abandonment, deeper than the physical hurt,
deeper than her mother walking away.  "But the bond--it's still . . .  I was
going to--to die in there."  A memory of the peacefulness she'd had for those
last few days before waking in the hospital settled on her despite the crying
that refused to stop.  "I was going to die."

"Rin, no--"  The misery in Haru's voice wasn't enough to shake the memory.  No
god to want her, no hope of a comforting touch again.  Nothing to hold her in
her body.

"I was finally going to get to die."  She was dimly aware of how violently Haru
was shaking, and that her muscles were finally relaxing enough to leave only a
dull pain throughout her body.  "All I had to do was not make myself eat.  So
easy."  She rubbed a hand across her face, smearing the tears.

"_Rin_--"

She rested her head on the edge of the tub, listened to the soft sound of water
dripping from her hair to the floor.  "I held Hiro when he was born. 
Satsuki-san let me hold him."  She stared at the ceiling through the fading
steam.  "Akito didn't want me to, I don't think.  Even then.  I was too dirty to
touch anything that belonged to Akito, and I hadn't even slept with you--"

"Stop it," Haru whispered.  "Rin, you were _six years old_ when Hiro was born. 
You're just hurting yourself now."

"Akito--"

"I don't know why Akito doesn't love you."  Fresh tears welled up at the stark
words, but Haru kept talking.  "But it's not just you.  It's _not_ your fault. 
And you're loved.  I love you so much, and Hiro loves you, and Shihan, and
Honda-san--"

"That girl loves everyone," Rin muttered, and Haru shrugged.

"So?  And Hinata-chan will love you if you're there while she grows up, and--"

"Who?"

"Hinat--oh.  Hiro's sister."  He smiled faintly, running his fingers slowly
through her hair.  "You'll be able to hold her, and it won't matter what Akito
wants."  He pushed away from the back of the tub.  "The water's getting cold. 
D'you think you can sleep?  You might feel better--"

Rin took a slow, tentative breath, rubbing at her eyes.  "Will _you_ sleep?" 
Her throat ached when she spoke, but no new tears came.  "Haru, you have to,"
she said when he didn't reply immediately, and he laughed, a pained, bitter
sound that made her cringe.

"It's not exactly my first priority when my girlfriend's wishing she was dead."

She jerked back as if he'd hit her.  "I'm _not_--I . . . "  Haru climbed out of
the tub while she was groping for words, and pressed his hand against the side
of her neck.  She leaned against the side, tepid water dripping from her arms as
she tugged him close enough to kiss.  "I'm not.  It was different in there."

His lips moved against hers.  "And before that, you never . . ?"

Water splashed around her as she followed him out into the cool air, pressing
herself close.  "Not when I had you."  He flinched, his fingers brushing against
her back, and she shook her head.  "I never thought you were perfect.  But I
wanted you, too."  She wasn't sure if the warmth on her cheeks was tears or a
blush; the words were trying to stick in her throat, and it took all of her
concentration to force them out.  "I don't know if I would have started this if
you hadn't.  But I wanted it."  She kissed the hollow between his collarbones,
pressing her tongue into it, and he went rigid in her arms.  "I wanted it when
you kissed me, and I wanted it when you touched me, and--it's not all your
fault."

"It's different."

"You would've stopped if I'd told you to."  He stared down at her, his face
drawn with misery, and she slid a fingertip under the studded collar he still
wore.  "I was scared.  I was.  But I never asked you to stop."

"You were _crying_."

Rin rubbed her cheek against his chest and tasted the wetness left behind.  "I'm
crying now.  And I still--"

His embrace was suddenly crushing, and she returned it with a sob.  "I love
you," he whispered, muffled against her hair.  "I love you, I love you so much .
. . "  His hands slid down her sides, and he stepped back, one thumb rubbing her
hip distractedly.  "You're freezing."

"Mm hmm."

His ability to shift focus never stopped surprising her; in an instant he'd
turned away and reached into the tub to pull the plug, turned back and wrapped
her in the yukata she'd discarded earlier.  She closed her hands over his when
he looked as if he was going to carry her the short distance down the hall, and
tugged him toward the door.  Genuine amusement lit his eyes.

"Hmm?"

"It's usually me who tugs at people," he said, and Rin blinked, realizing it was
true.  She had a thousand small memories of his fingers twining in her sleeves,
loose around her arm as he tried to catch her attention or steer her.  A
childhood habit that had mostly disappeared as he grew up--in most of the
memories, his hands were smaller than hers--and lingered with her and Yuki.

"I must have learned it from you," she replied, and he followed her into the
hall and the warm safety of her bed, with its nest of thick blankets.

*****
"The blood, the soil, the faith
These words you can't forget
Your vow, your holy place
O love, aren't you tired yet?"
	--Leonard Cohen, "The Faith" (Dear Heather)
******

After the brightness of the bathing room, her bedroom's darkness enfolded them
in silent comfort, easing the ache of eyes raw from crying.  Rin went to the
window and fumbled with the latch, opening it wide to admit the night air. 
Raindrops came in on the wind, spattering her hands as she leaned out to inhale
the coolness.  Haru waited uncertainly behind her, until she turned to face him.

"If you even think about offering to sleep somewhere else, you won't like what
happens."  She was too weary to try putting any weight behind the threat, or to
think of what she _would_ do if he went and curled up under the kotatsu, or
wandered out into the night.

"I won't."  He stepped back to the bed and sank down onto it, holding out a hand
to her.  After another deep breath of the soothing air, she dropped her yukata
on the chair beside the bed and joined him.  She settled into his arms,
irrationally grateful that their bodies still nestled together as smoothly as
they always had, a perfect fit undisturbed by their capacity to hurt each other.
 Haru held her silently, caressing the back of her neck when she buried her face
against his shoulder.  The slow deftness of the touch made her squirm, wanting
to get closer.  It was too dark for her to see him clearly--the rain was beating
against the roof, too heavy for the moon to peek through the clouds--so she
moved by feel, curling up on top of him and sighing under her breath at the warm
softness of his skin.  He made a faint sound as she arranged herself, and she
remembered the bruises covering his sides.

"Am I hurting you?"

"No."  His fingers worked steadily down her back, making her fidget as he
stroked each individual bone, avoiding her scar for the first time that night.

"Touch it," she whispered.  "Don't make it something it's not."  She folded her
hands on his sternum, resting her chin on them, and watched the faint shine of
his eyes while he touched her.  "I haven't been awake for this many hours in a
long time."

"You should sleep."

"I still feel . . . "  Rin trailed off, trying to isolate the feeling under her
skin.  Not quite desire, not with exhaustion burning in her muscles, but
something enough like it that she kissed his chest to see how he responded.  A
slight quiver ran through his body.  "Could we--"  She kissed him again to cover
the awkwardness she felt.  "Just a little?"

"What do you want me to do?" he asked quietly.

"I just want to be closer."  She blindly outlined his tattoo with her fingers,
and he slid his arms around her waist.  "To have you inside me for a while."

"Won't it hurt you?"  Concern and longing spun together in his voice, and she
rested her cheek against his heart, listening to its quickening rhythm.

"We can stop if it hurts."

"You'll tell me?"

"Yes."  She pushed herself upright, straddling his hips, and rested her hands
palm-down on his belly.  Haru sat up in one smooth motion, powerful muscles
uncoiling under velvet skin, and she smiled at the sensation.  He eased his
hands under her, balancing her on his lap as he nuzzled her throat.  "It doesn't
hurt so far," she whispered, tilting her head to lick his earlobe while she slid
a hand between his legs.

"Good to hear," he replied, gasping a little as she stroked him.  Rin kept her
hand resting against his cock while he kissed her, savoring the gentleness of
his lips on the love bites he'd left earlier, the soothing sensation of his
tongue on the welts and scratches that crisscrossed her collarbone and shoulder.
 He hardened slowly under her touch, and she curled her fingers to fit, feeling
a flush of arousal warming her.  She slid her other hand behind his head and
kissed him, licking his lips while she shifted her weight off his thighs and
onto her knees, pushed herself down onto his cock.

The room's darkness hid her wince of pain, but the accompanying flinch had
Haru's hands on her hips instantly.  "Rin--"

"Shh."  She braced herself on his shoulders and took a deep breath, forcing
herself to relax while she slowly ground herself against him.  "I think I'm kind
of bruised."  She wrapped her arms tightly around him while she shifted her
hips.  "It's fine.  Just don't move too much and I'll be ok."  Haru made a
faintly skeptical sound, and she cupped his face in her hands.  "This is all I
want.  Just to feel you like this."  His lips parted under hers as she pressed
him back onto the bed, running her hands up his sides.

He pulled the blankets back over them while she kissed him, and the simple bliss
of it--his taste in her mouth, the feel of him deep inside her, the protective
way he held her--was overwhelming.  She buried her face against his neck and
shook, listening to his wordless murmurs of reassurance.  His comforting
solidity flooded her senses so thoroughly that when he turned so they were lying
on their sides, it seemed as if it was the world shifting around them.  With her
head pillowed on his arm, a feeling of contentment began to displace her
anxiety; she lay still and gazed at the familiar dark ribbons of his tattoo,
faintly visible against the paleness of his skin.

Haru's breathing and heartbeat slowed against her, exhaustion finally catching
up with him despite the way they were entwined.  Rin held him tighter, smoothing
her hands over his back, and his breath caught as he tried to hold onto
consciousness.  "It's ok," she whispered, kissing the hollow of his throat.  His
pulse fluttered against her tongue, and he snuggled closer to her, the movement
making her hidden bruises twinge.  She stroked his face with the backs of her
fingers, lines of worry and guilt melting under her touch as he surrendered to
sleep.

Weariness clawed at her, but she stayed awake a while longer, warmed by the
comforting weight of his body.  Small twitches went through his muscles as he
started to dream, his eyelashes brushing against her skin.  Sleep took her
unawares as she listened to the steady sound of the rain, pulling her down into
a sweet dreamlessness.

*****

Rin woke gradually, disoriented by the diffuse gray light in the room.  The
patter of the rain was sporadic, almost drowned by the rise and fall of the
wind.  Her first thought was of battered cherry blossoms, followed by the less
abstract realization that her right arm refused to move.  "You're heavy," she
told Haru softly, as she began working the uncooperative limb out from under
him.  He mumbled something in response, curling up around the warmth where she'd
been lying; she leaned back and drank in the sight of him.  There were still
dark shadows under his eyes, but they were fading faster than his sparring
bruises.  His body had filled out in their year apart; she had felt the changes
when he held her, had seen them through his clothes, but seeing him in repose
drove it home.

The naked expanse of his back was startling.  She traced the scattered marks her
nails had left on him, exploring the new definition in his muscles and the
valley between his shoulder blades.  Rin allowed herself a moment of possessive
pleasure, watching his lips move with whatever he was dreaming, and trailed her
fingers into his hair.  The black hair was growing longer than he usually kept
it--she stroked the dividing line between black and white, idly wondering if
anyone else knew or cared that the difference was more than color, that the
white hair was infinitely softer.

She sat up slowly, tucking the blanket around him, and assessed her reflection
in the mirror.  Still pale--she considered the effort it would take to hide her
pallor with makeup, and dismissed the idea.  The marks Haru and his jewelry had
left on her skin were still glaringly obvious, and she frowned at her image
until she remembered a high-necked sweater in the closet--not enough to conceal
the damage from Kazuma or Kunimitsu, but enough to get by outside.

Outside.

The bed and Haru's sleeping warmth were both desperately tempting, but she
twined a lock of hair around her fingers, remembering Kunimitsu's offer to trim
it more carefully than the hospital staff had done.  Her reflection stared back
at her, a silent reminder of vulnerability that a simple trim wouldn't hide.

"I'll be back," she said, too quietly to wake Haru.  She slipped out of bed and
dressed quickly--the sweater was easy to find, and the extra layer of warmth was
comforting.  It look a little longer to remember where she'd left the stash of
money Kazuma had once told her to keep at the house.

She found it in a wallet on the closet's shelf: enough cash to get her through
almost any short-term emergency, easily acquired from Kagura's mother, who was
used to the small fortunes she spent on clothing and had asked no questions. 
But nothing else--no credit cards, no identification, no photographs.  *As if I
don't exist.*

Nausea hit her abruptly; she pocketed the wallet and went out into the hallway,
slumping down against the wall to wait it out.  *If Kureno hadn't found me--* 
Three months with no one noticing her absence--one lie had been enough to
convince her school to graduate her in absentia, enough that the family she'd
lived with for almost eight years had simply accepted her disappearance.  She
fought down the urge to run back into the bedroom and shake Haru awake to hold
her.

It took two tries to get to her feet and head for the phone; the clock on the
wall pointed out that it was well past noon and that she hadn't eaten since the
previous evening.  *Later.*  She paged through Kazuma's out-of-date phone book,
fingering the wallet in her pocket, and called a cab.

*****

Rustling noises gradually pulled Haru out of his dreams: the closet door
opening, hangers clacking quietly against each other, the soft thump of fabric
hitting the floor.  He kept his eyes closed and listened while Rin got dressed,
wondering how long she'd been awake; there was no lingering warmth in the bed
with him.

He came fully awake when she sprawled across the head of the bed, her sudden
closeness filling his nose with her scent.  Musky-sweet warmth, the faintest
hint of sex, a trace of rain.  "Morning," she said, sliding her arms around his
head.  A flash of color flickered past his eyes as he pressed his face against
her breasts, inhaling deeply.

"Morning," he echoed.  " . . . is it still morning?"

"Not even close."  There was something in her voice he hadn't heard for a long
time, a hint of relaxation that made him smile.  "It's four thirty."  Color
again as she touched his cheek and bent to kiss him.

The taste of her mouth reminded him of how he'd fallen asleep, and he leaned
back.  "Rin, I didn't mean to . . . "

"I know.  It's fine."  He almost didn't hear, suddenly too caught up in
_looking_ at her.  She ducked her head under his scrutiny, one hand fidgeting
with her earlobe.  Perfectly manicured indigo nails gleamed against the
blackness of her hair, damp from the rain whipping against the window.  Even
windblown, the new haircut was sleek and smooth against the contours of her
face, hiding the waif-like fragility of her bones.  "I went out."

"I can tell."  Haru sat up slowly, looking her up and down.  One of the long
skirts from the closet covered her legs, but the black shirt she was wearing was
new, and cut too low to hide the perfect curves of her breasts or the marks he'd
left on her.  A plain collar was buckled around her neck, half-covering the
purplest love bite.  "I--"  He jerked his gaze away from her throat, trying to
ignore the wave of desire that crashed over him at the reminder.  "You've been
busy."

"I was tired of looking like that."  A hint of contempt flickered in her voice,
and she looked past him at her reflection.  Haru watched her face while she
studied herself: no pride showed in her eyes, only detached assessment.  "And
most of the clothes here aren't awful, but I wanted something I'd picked out
myself."

"How was it?  Being outside?"

"I took cabs, so I wasn't out in the open much.  It was fine."  Rin stared at
the mirror a moment longer, and then met his eyes.  "Except I almost got sick at
the salon, when they were touching my hair."  She shuddered, biting her lip.  "I
had to go, and I didn't want to wake you."

"D'you feel better?"

"More in control."  A soft laugh bubbled up, and she fingered the collar.  "The
store I went into for this does piercings.  The guy behind the counter had some
. . . interesting ideas when I asked for suggestions.  Probably the most
creative attempt anyone's ever made to get me out of my clothes."

"Did you get anything done?"  He examined her closely, looking for bandages or
signs of pain.

When she shook her head, her hair swirled out from her face, easing the severity
of the cut.  "Guess I'm not like you.  Do you think I should have?"

Haru imagined her trying to hold still for a needle, deliberately allowing
someone to break her skin.  *Other than me.*  She had been attracted to and
horrified by his fling with body modification, by the way he let strangers mark
his body to assert his own control over it; she had brought it up more often
than he had, listening to the possibilities he mentioned.  After the tattoo,
he'd hit her limits by explaining surface piercings and showing her how the
small bars he was considering would line up with his shoulders.  Waking up in
the middle of the night with her cheek pressed against the proposed place on the
back of his neck, her tears hot on his skin, had broken him of the idea.  "It .
. . doesn't seem like your thing, sweetheart."

"Maybe not."  She stood up and stretched, watching him.  "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah."  'Ravenous' was the word his stomach suggested, now that he spared it a
thought.

"Me too."  A hint of color showed in her cheeks, as if hunger were something she
had forgotten.  "With the way Kunimitsu-san's been cooking, there has to be
something in the kitchen.  I'll go check."

Haru slid out of bed as she left, and the room's chill made him wince.  He
pulled on a pair of pants and went to close the window.  Outside, the sky was
gray and angry, still spitting rain.  The air was cool enough to sting his
lungs, but he took a slow breath of it, trying again to imagine what Rin's
captivity had been like.

The sound of the front door sliding open and closed didn't register at first,
not until he heard a distinct clank from the kitchen, at the other end of the
house.  *Who--*  Someone with a key, which probably meant 'someone safe', but he
left the bedroom without bothering to throw on more clothing.  There was no
sound of movement anywhere in the house but the kitchen; the too-perfect silence
confirmed Kyo's presence a moment before Haru found him frozen on the kitchen's
threshold, staring at Rin.

"Isuzu, what the hell--"  Haru prodded the cat's arm, and Kyo swiveled to glare
at him.  "What're you guys doing here?"

"I've been sick," Rin said flatly, crossing her arms and staring challengingly
at Kyo.  "It's too noisy at Kagura's, so Kazuma-san said I could stay here while
I recuperate.  What are _you_ doing here?"  Her response was automatic, lacking
real anger, but Kyo bristled.

"Came to make sure the place was ok while Shishou and Kunimitsu are out of
town."  He shook his head, sending drops of rain flying, and swore.  "What
happened to your hair?"

She rolled her eyes.  "What does it _look_ like?"  The immediate escalation to
open irritation on both sides reminded Haru of their childhood, and of Kazuma's
reasons for sending her away.  "It's a pain getting bitched at by nurses who
think it's in the way when they're running tests, so--" she mimed scissors with
her fingers, and even watching for it, Haru barely saw the way her eyes shadowed
with pain.

Kyo didn't catch her momentary lapse, but as Rin dropped her hand, she turned so
that the fading marks on her neck and above her breasts were plainly visible. 
She realized it an instant too late, and straightened with a glare as Kyo
noticed, daring him to comment.  Haru winced, waiting for a reaction, and then
realized the cat was only staring at her, a puzzled line creasing his forehead.

"How'd that--"  Kyo crossed the room to take a closer look, and Haru sighed,
leaning against the door frame.  Kyo and Rin had never appreciated interference
in their fights.  "Damn, Isuzu, what'd you _do_?"

A hint of amusement touched her lips.  "_I_ didn't do anything."

The protective way Kyo hackled took Haru by surprise, and Rin's eyes widened. 
*They fight like siblings,* Yuki had said, one long-ago New Year's, a hint of
envy buried in his dismissal; Haru had shrugged, long since inured to their
bickering.

"Then--"  Kyo glowered at her, and she stared back defiantly.  He turned and
looked at Haru, naiveté no safeguard against the obvious conclusion.  The blush
that colored the cat's face was deep enough that Haru was caught off-guard by
the speed with which Kyo crossed the room and grabbed his wrist.  "Haru, what'd
you _do_ to her?"

*Like siblings.*  Under the blush, Kyo was enraged in a way Haru hadn't seen
since he had made the mistake of laying hands on Honda Tohru after going Black.

"If we told you what he did to me, your head would explode."  There was nothing
casual left in Rin's voice, only ice.  "None of your business."  Haru looked at
her skin as she came over, trying to see what it would look like to someone
else.  The worst love bite was still half-hidden by her collar, but lighter
bruises were scattered down her throat, and the scratches from his necklace were
livid against sun-deprived skin.  She muttered something vicious under her
breath when Kyo looked skeptical.  "Haru, turn around."

Haru shrugged and obeyed, twisting out of Kyo's grip.  Rin touched his back,
tracing one of the welts she'd left on him.  "How bad is it?" he asked.

"I'd say we're even."  Haru turned back to face them, and Rin glared at Kyo
again.  "Does that look fair to you?"

"If it makes you feel better, neither of us did it on purpose," Haru said
mildly, when Kyo didn't answer.

"I don't even want to know," Kyo growled, rubbing at his eyes.  "Where've you
been, Isuzu?  Tohru's been worried about you, and I _know_ you haven't been here
since New Year's--"

"I was in a hospital up north," Rin replied, looking away as she repeated the
lie that the family had been told.  "I went after the holiday.  For tests."  A
shimmer of tears in her eyes made Haru ache to comfort her.  "It took a long
time."

"Well, you should tell Tohru where you were."  She turned back, and a strange
expression crossed her face, something sudden and awful that Haru didn't grasp
until she glanced away from Kyo again.

*The Cat's room.*

The look melted away, leaving only annoyance.  "Fine.  You can tell her if you
want--not like it's a secret anymore.  It's bad enough I still have to call
Kagura."  She shrugged and leaned against Haru.  "I guess I should go do that."

"I guess," Haru said, slipping an arm around her waist.  Kyo made a strangled
noise and turned away; without his embarrassed eyes on them, Rin pressed closer
for an instant.

"I didn't get as far as looking in the fridge," she said, stepping away and
heading into the hallway.  "Can you?"

"Sure."

"I'll make something," Kyo grumbled as she left.  "I'm not going back out in
_that_ without eating something hot first.  Shishou should've told me you were
here."  He began rummaging through the cupboards.

"I _can_ cook," Haru pointed out, but he leaned back against the counter and
didn't interfere.  Down the hall, he could hear the heavy sounds of Kazuma's
ancient rotary phone as Rin dialed.

"You and Isuzu . . . " Kyo began, and then stopped, staring out the window at
the drizzle.  "How long's that been going on?"

"How long . . ?" Haru echoed.  "I don't know."

Rin's voice came back to them, faintly.  "Kagura, it's me."

"What d'you mean, you don't--"

"A day or two," Haru said.  "My whole life.  I don't know."  He realized that he
was rubbing at his tattoo, and made himself stop.

"She was pretty sick, huh?"

"Yeah."  He closed his eyes, remembering how frail she'd felt when he first
lifted her off the sidewalk.  "Really sick."

"Will all the tests help?"  Kyo threw ingredients into a pot more forcefully
than necessary, underscoring the rough concern in his voice.

"I've got a better idea about what's wrong with her," Haru said finally.  "She's
been getting stronger.  Shihan's probably going to send me back to my parents'
place soon."  He pushed away from the counter.  "I'm gonna go see if she's ok."

"It's just a phone call," Kyo said as he walked away.

Rin was leaning against the wall when Haru reached her, and she slid into his
arms, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder.  " . . . yes, I _know_ I
should have--Kagura, just listen for a sec . . .  No.  No, I don't need to talk
to her now, I--"  He winced at the strain in her voice.  "I'll call her
tomorrow, ok?  Just tell her I'm home.  I don't know when I'll be back there. 
I'm all _right_, will you just--I'll see you soon.  Ok, I--"  She caught her
breath and reached for his hand, twining her fingers tightly in his.  "I missed
you too.  Bye."

Faint food smells came drifting down the hall as she hung up the phone.  "Kyo's
cooking?"  Haru nodded, and she relaxed against him, her body going entirely
slack.  "I don't want him to know.  Or Tohru-san--she wouldn't understand."

"She might," he murmured, and she shuddered.

"I don't _want_ her to understand.  I don't want her to do that--that _thing_
she does, where she just looks and _sees_ and--"  She clung to him, her fingers
pressing hard against the scratches on his back.  "Kyo would've told her I was
here, anyway.  And you told Yuki, and Mama found me somehow . . . "

"Shh."  He kissed her forehead, tasted the sheen of sweat on her skin.  "Shh,
love.  It doesn't matter.  You're safe."  Rin reached up and buried her hands in
his hair, tugging his head down.  Her lips moved against his in wordless reply,
soft and fervent, as if it didn't matter that there was someone in earshot. 
Haru tightened his arms around her, imagining what it would be like to love her
openly.  "Kyo really had no idea about us," he said softly.  "But Shigure-sensei
figured it out, and you said Honda-san knows . . .  I wonder if anyone else
guessed."

"I don't care."  Electric tension ran through her body as she kissed him again,
harder, as if silently daring Kyo to come out of the kitchen and see them.  "I
don't care anymore.  Let them see."  The ghost of fear flickered in her eyes as
she looked up at him; he stroked the back of her neck, feeling the rigid set of
her shoulders.

"Come on," he said, taking her hand.  "There'll be food soon, and he can't see
us if we don't go back in there."

Rin hesitated for a moment, wide-eyed in spite of her defiance, and then nodded.
 "Have to start somewhere."  She touched the scratch on her collarbone
thoughtfully.  "Maybe I'll let this heal more before I see anyone else."

"Might be a good idea."  He squeezed her fingers gently.  "Are you ok,
sweetheart?"

"I--"  For a fleeting instant she pressed against him again, her lips brushing
his bare shoulder.  "Close enough."  She tugged at his hand, and he let her lead
him back toward the kitchen.

[fin]


********

Fruits Basket is the creation of Takaya Natsuki, and is licensed in North
America by FUNimation (anime) and Tokyopop (manga).  Used without permission or
the intention of making a profit.  Please support the original work!

"Alive Through the Dawn" © 2004-2006 by Ysabet MacFarlane
<ba087@chebucto.ns.ca>.
Edited by Alishya Lane; additional beta work by Flamika and Ginny T.

Head cheerleader: KawaiiAyu.

Comments and criticism welcomed at the above address.

This story may be reproduced and archived so long as the original text is
preserved and the author's name and contact information remain attached. 
Notifying the author of any such use is an appreciated courtesy.  NO CHANGES OF
ANY KIND ARE PERMITTED.

All quoted lyrics/epigraphs are the property of their copyright holders, and are
also used without permission.  The title "Alive Through the Dawn" comes from the
song "Crazy" by Tori Amos, found on the album "Scarlet's Walk".