Title: Kiss Away Night Author: Ysabet MacFarlane (ba087@chebucto.ns.ca) Pairing: Sohma Hatsuharu and Sohma Isuzu (Rin) Fandom: Fruits Basket Theme: #22 (cradle) Disclaimer: Fruits Basket belongs to Takaya Natsuki and Hakusensha; English-language versions by FUNimation (anime) and Tokyopop (manga). Notes: Set after chapter 14 (vol. 3) / episode 10. Title from "Sleeps With Butterflies" by Tori Amos. ********** The phone vibrating under her pillow woke Rin up just before dawn. It was so much later--or earlier--than Haru usually called that the phone buzzed several times before her head cleared enough to fumble for it. "Haru, what . . ?" She liked the certainty of it being him on the other end of the line; the cell phones were their secret, with numbers no one else knew and ringers that were never turned on. It was their lifeline to each other, when days might go by with no chance to be alone; worse than not seeing each other was passing by on the street, exchanging meaningless greetings that were almost worse than nothing. "I'm sick," he said, and through the line she heard the faint click of his teeth chattering. "Can you come? My parents don't get back until tomorrow, and I d-don't want to bug Tori-nii." "So you'll bug me?" But she was already out of bed, shivering at the night's undispelled chill. "He's being worked half to death, and you've already had it--" The reasonable explanation didn't quite hide the sudden flicker of insecurity in his voice, and Rin winced. She'd had a mild bout of flu before New Year's, just unpleasant enough that she felt real sympathy for the people coming down with it around her. Haru waking her up was one thing, but hearing that pang of uncertainty made her heart clench. "I'm kidding," she said gently, thrown by the need to explain. "I'm up, I'm coming, don't worry." She wedged the phone between her ear and shoulder while she dressed, setting it down just long enough to pull a shirt over her head and work her hair through. "How bad is it?" "Kinda bad." *But I just saw you yesterday,* hovered on her tongue; she swallowed it, trying to keep the real stab of worry out of her reply. "I'll be right there, ok?" A quick rummage through the purse she'd used the day before turned up her keys, the one no one knew she had lying innocently among the others. Haru had given her a copy without asking his parents, and she'd never used it. "Haru?" "Ok," he said faintly, and she hung up after murmuring something she hoped was reassuring. With the cell phone safely tucked away, she slipped out of the room, pausing just long enough to brush her teeth and run a comb through her hair before she let herself out into the cold January morning. The Main House was almost silent--so early in the day, so soon after New Year's and the madcap preparations, even the servants were lingering in bed. She forced herself not to hurry, not wanting to draw any random eyes; her erratic hours were common knowledge among the family, even more so among the servants, and she thought being up so early probably wouldn't incite gossip if she could only look bored and aimless. ********** Actually getting into the house was a little nerve-wracking. She and Haru studied together often enough that no one (they hoped) took much notice of it when they came and went after school, but using a key was something else again. When the door was safely closed behind her she breathed a sigh of relief as she stepped out of her boots and padded up the stairs. "Haru?" Her voice echoed too much for her liking when she called his name. The house felt deserted--and his room was little better. She found him curled around himself on his bed, giving off none of the vibrant energy she associated with him. "Hey," she said softly, touching his cheek. "I'm here. Can I get you something?" "I think I've been doing everything right," he said, and Rin winced at his voice. "Lots of water, and I think I'm kinda high from the painkillers." "How many did you take?" "Don't remember. A few." "You sound like hell," she said, sharp with worry; Haru's laugh turned into a cough that explained the shreds of his voice. "You should've called me sooner." "I didn't want to wake you up if you were asleep." "From the looks of you, I got more sleep than you did. Want me to lie down with you?" He nodded, so she sat cross-legged at the foot of the bed and began to braid her hair; Haru watched groggily, not quite focusing. When it was all in a single plait, she coiled it on the back of her head, picked up a pen from his bedside table, and skewered it into place. "How come you're so good at that?" he mumbled as she lay down beside him. "I've never see you put it all the way up before." "I don't wash it every time I take a bath, so I try to keep it dry." He nestled into her, head heavy on her shoulder, one arm thrown gracelessly across her ribs. "Why'd you do it now?" "You're all sweaty," she said matter-of-factly, wiping her hand over his forehead. "The rest of me is easier to wash." "Huh." His teeth chattered a little, and Rin slipped her arms around him, kissing between his eyebrows. "But you always leave it loose when we--" A light kiss on his lips interrupted him. "Thought you liked it that way. I have to scrub it every time we sleep together, though." "Sorry," he said, and she suppressed her amusement, not wanting to set off any of his triggers about being laughed at when he was so fragile. "If it really bothered me, I could always cut it off." Haru looked up in alarm, eyes endearingly wide. "Or not. Ok, I'll stop saying scary things when you're sick." "Good." He pressed closer, shaking hard enough to send vibrations through her. "You're warm. I can't get warm, Rin . . . " "You're burning up, lover," she whispered. He made a small sound of pleasure at the endearment, making her wish it were easier for her to offer them in exchange for the ones he lavished on her. "I can barely touch you." She tightened her arms reassuringly, cradling him while she tried to remember if he had ever felt too warm to her before. "Try to get some rest, ok?" "Ok." "Did you catch this from the rat the other day?" she asked, thinking aloud more than expecting an answer. "Hope so. Better than giving him what's been going around the House." The beginnings of sleep blurred the words. "Honda-san'll take good care of him, though." "There's really someone you trust with him?" A cough wracked him when he started to reply, sudden and violent enough that she almost cried out herself. Pressed so close, every spasm that tore through his muscles went through her in turn. When it passed, he kissed her shoulder wearily. "You're really scared, aren't you?" "You're never sick." "I'll be fine. I feel a lot better with you here." His eyes started to drift shut. "'S'like I said yesterday--Honda-san's just a good person. Good heart." She wouldn't have thought there was any room for him to get closer, but his arms tightened around her. "Love you," he whispered, completely asleep before she could answer. Rin sighed and buried her face against the softness of his hair. ********* A few hours later, when Haru's fever showed no sign of breaking and he'd made one pitiful noise too many in his sleep, she carefully eased out of bed and hunted down his other cell phone, the one she never called, in a coat pocket. She found Hatori's office number programmed into it, but it was his most recent assistant--a part-time worker who came in from the local clinic twice a week to sort his less-confidential paperwork--who answered. She sighed inwardly and kept the conversation brief. Haru was awake when she hung up the phone. "Back to sleep," she said, brushing his hair off his forehead. "I'm calling Tori-nii to ask him to check on you later." "Wasn't that his office?" Sleep thickened the words. "Chieko-san said he's at Gure-nii's checking on Yuki." She frowned as she dialed. "Is that girl you were talking about going to answer the phone?" "Hmm? Honda-san?" Haru's hand came to rest on hers, keeping it against his face. "Maybe. She's lived there for a while now." But it was Kyo who picked up, with such a casual greeting that Rin winced. "Does Kazuma-san know you forget your manners when he's out of town?" she asked. "'Cause _that's_ a polite way to greet someone," came the reply, loud enough to make Haru smother a grin against his pillow. "What do you want?" "Tori-nii, if he's there." "Just a sec." There was no sound at all when Kyo set the phone down; as always, his movements were as carelessly graceful as his manners were rough. Not seeing him for weeks or months at a time made it easy to forget how he flowed through a house, how she'd learned to detect his presence from changes in the air instead of footsteps. In some ways he shared more with his animal spirit than any of the true Jyuunishi did. Hatori picked up the phone almost at once. "Isuzu? What's going on?" "Haru and I were going to study today, but when I got here he looked pretty sick. He said he didn't want to call anyone, but his parents are still away, so I thought--" Even to her own ears, the explanation sounded stilted and rehearsed; she hoped that Hatori, who seemed inclined to avoid her, wouldn't pick up on it. She wondered whether he really believed she thought it was her clothing that made him look away when they encountered each other, rather than the injuries he'd treated. "You're a lousy actress," Haru murmured. She jabbed him in the arm while she obediently listed his symptoms for Hatori. "I have an appointment with Akito this afternoon," Hatori said when she'd finished. "I don't think I should rush it, if Hatsuharu doesn't seem to be getting worse." Rin thought about the grim twist to Akito's mouth since New Year's, and couldn't find a way to disagree. "I can stay with him until his parents get back. I don't have any other plans today." "And your studies?" The older Jyuunishi's occasional attempts at sounding parental always amused her. Although Hatori, at least, did it with a straight face. "Same as always." "Then make sure he stays hydrated, and I'll be over in the evening. Call me immediately if he gets worse." He hesitated long enough for her to object, and hung up when she didn't. Haru gave her a hopeful look after she relayed the information, but she went downstairs to get him more water and made him drink it before she relented and crawled back into bed with him. "Feeling any better?" "I hurt all over," he replied, more matter-of-fact than self-pitying. He felt strangely small in her arms, aches and fever burning him down to his bones. "I'm glad you're here. I bet it's boring for you, but it feels really good, being held like this." "It's ok." She rubbed at the sheen of sweat on his face, following the touch with a kiss. "I love you, silly. I'm glad I can be with you." "Feels like--" He stilled as he cut himself off, and there was a strange undercurrent when he continued. "Wait, that's just kinda wrong." "Hmm? What?" Guilt tinged his voice. "I was wondering if it feels like this for kids when their moms hug them." Rin's heart lurched in her chest, and for a moment it was him holding her, their roles reversed without either of them moving. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I just wonder what it's like sometimes." "I . . . " She tried to remember, her mind's eye squinting against the light shroud she'd pulled over her childhood. Her mother's lap had been a high place to pull herself up to, assisted by slim hands that drew her close before setting her back down. *There's my girl.* "Mama didn't really hold me that much--she said it made Daddy sad because he couldn't." She heard herself fading, and tried to smile. "I never knew it was because she didn't want to. Mama was a good actress." "I'm sorry," Haru said again. "I'm not that fragile." She caressed the back of his neck, willing it to be true, holding her breath against the memory's pull. "Let me worry about you for once." ********** She wasn't expecting to fall asleep herself, but it seemed like only an instant later that she woke up to Haru's shaky kiss on her forehead. "I can't stand my skin," he said when she opened her eyes. "I'm gonna take a fast rinse." "Want help?" Only the slightest crinkle at the corners of his eyes betrayed his amusement. "I think I have _just_ enough energy to get myself clean, as long as no beautiful girls use it up by making me ravish them in the shower." "That'd be terrible," Rin agreed, trying to match his deadpan expression. She got up when he did, stroking his arm when it trembled under his weight. "Are you hungry?" "Um. No," he said, looking momentarily nauseated. "Really not." She didn't push the issue. When he'd disappeared into the bathing room, she rummaged through the linen closet until she found sheets she'd seen on his bed before, and changed the bedding with an efficiency that would have taken most members of the family aback. It had been years since she'd let anyone--family or servants--intrude far enough into her space to clean. From there, she ventured down to the kitchen, where she was in the process of trying to remember where Haru's mother kept tea when a knock at the door startled her. Her heart skipped a beat before she quashed the instinct to ignore the sound. *It might be Tori-nii.* But it was Shigure who was standing there smiling when she opened the door. She blinked at him in confusion, and his smile widened. "I got a ride in with Ha-san," he said cheerfully. "He'll be over in a little while, so I thought I'd make sure things were ok here." "Haru's taking a shower," she replied, scrambling to pull herself together under his amused gaze. "He's pretty out of it." "So you're taking care of him, hmm?" "Yes." She tried to sound dismissive, but a defensive note leaked through. Shigure nodded slowly, the gesture of a man who had solved a puzzle. "We were supposed to study, but he's not feeling up to it." "Ah. Well, Ha-san told me to what to ask. How's his fever?" "It's not getting worse." "Appetite?" Rin shook her head. "Any energy?" "No." "And tell me, Rin-chan--how is he?" He lowered his voice suggestively, watching the blush she could feel moving into her cheeks. "That question's not from Hatori." "I don't know what you're talking about." She spat the words at him, angry and embarrassed by the sudden speculation in his gaze. "Gure-nii--" Shigure lifted his shoulders in exaggerated helplessness. "It's only natural to make sure he's being gentle with you. Ha-kun does have a certain reputation." She stayed silent, and he smiled. "That's good--better to keep your mouth shut until you learn to lie." He reached out as if to stroke her cheek, but instead he tugged the pen securing her hair. It tumbled down like black water, the braid unraveling as it fell. "Learn to lie." The hint of kindness in his touch was convincing enough that she shivered; she rubbed at her arms to camouflage it. "I should stop letting the cold in." Shigure fingered a strand of hair that had fallen over her shoulder. "You used to flinch if anyone touched your hair," he said quietly. "Take my advice. Lie with more than your mouth." His smile went nowhere near his eyes. "Ha-san will still be over later." She shut the door as soon as he began to turn away, her legs shaking so badly that she crouched down and wrapped her arms around them. *He knows.* Huddling into herself, she ran the conversation back through her mind, trying to construct words that wouldn't have betrayed her, but nothing erased Shigure's knowing eyes as he'd looked at her. "Damn him and his vivid imagination," she said under her breath, taking refuge in anger over what he was undoubtedly picturing. "Dirty old man." The insult was almost funny; Shigure's youthful appearance clashed oddly with her memories of being a small child tagging along at his adolescent heels. The shower stopped upstairs; the absence of sound forced her to her feet. As she headed back up to Haru's room, wishing her heart would stop pounding, a chill moment of clarity hit her. *We should stop this now. No one else would ever find out.* Stopping would buy no forgiveness--as soon as Haru had touched her, as soon as she'd allowed it, any hope of pleading innocence had vanished. *A secret that's over is a secret we can bury.* The tiny voice of reason vanished when he looked up at her from where he sat on the edge of the bed. "Rin, what is it?" He was still pale, his eyes shining too brightly in their sockets, but he pulled her close when she leaned down to kiss him. "Nothing," she whispered between kisses. "How do you feel?" "Not healthier, but better." Out of the corner of her eye she saw his hand run over the clean sheet. "Thanks, sweetheart." "Tori-nii'll check on you later." She knelt beside the bed and rested her forehead on his thigh, trembling when his fingers settled in her hair. His hand stilled uncertainly until she twisted her head around to look up at him. A dizzy, irrational feeling settled into her bones: she imagined herself as a small animal on an altar, dread and trust mingling. "I decided to be with you," she said, unable to tear her eyes away from the familiar contours of his face. Haru leaned forward and hugged her as best he could in her awkward position, encompassing her in warmth. "I'm glad. Every single day, I'm glad." "Me too." She barely whispered it, knowing he'd hear. "I'll never leave you." She lifted her head before he replied, reached up to lay the back of her hand across his brow. "And you need to lie back down." He let go of her with a rueful smile. "My parents might be back soon." Rin tensed, wondering if he'd picked up on her fear of discovery. "They probably won't mind if you're here." "I didn't bring any of my schoolbooks. Do you have something I can use to look busy?" Haru adjusted his pillow, absently rubbing his shoulder. "If you want to be virtuous, you can grill me on my German vocab. That's pretty much it." "Are you up for it?" "Not even when I'm healthy. But you're good at that, right?" "Fairly." She rifled through his bookcase and found his German books, leaving the textbook behind in favor of an anthology. "I'll read it to you." "Who knew I could listen to your voice for homework?" he murmured, and Rin laughed. He made room for her on the bed, and she leaned back against the wall, tucking her feet under the edge of his blanket while she started reading. He listened intently for several pages, dutifully asking her for words he didn't know, until he began to drift. She touched his face again, to be sure his fever wasn't getting worse, and kept reading. When it was clear he'd stopped absorbing anything at all, she trailed off, running her fingers through his hair. Haru blinked at the silence, and she quietly started singing instead: old songs she'd known her entire life, that wove into their shared childhood. He settled against her, and she kept the book in her lap, listening for the sound of the front door. [fin]